Post by No Homie on Jan 20, 2016 1:50:37 GMT -5
Walmart Parking Lot. 10:35 AM.
Saul Legit sits outside Walmart in a cheap jacket and loose tie over even cheaper shorts and flip-flops, swivelling around on a office chair looking busy… the words “LEGAL EDVICE” scribbled on a piece of paper in front of him. An elderly couple approaches and Saul pulls a folder of papers out and stacks them down in front of him in a neat pile, grinning away.
Saul: “My oh my what a good looking young couple! Can I interest you in some free legal advice?”
While the elderly woman blushes, the man seems stern and the couple pass him by.
Saul: “Old bastard.”
Saul throws the folder to the ground and begins to spin in his chair once again, tapping a basic beat on the desk with his knuckles and beginning to beatbox as a skater boy flips his shit and faceplants in front of him, the kid picking himself up and trying to keep his cool given the circumstances.
Saul: “DAAAAAMN man! Are you okay? Are you hurt?!”
Skater: “MY KNEES! MY FACE! MY KNEES AND MY FACE!!”
Saul: “Shit man! You need to see a doctor!”
Skater: “Really?”
Saul: “I aint gonna lie … it’s like an eagle took a shit on your face and started tap-dancing!”
Skater: “Woah!”
Saul: “Its like… someone stabbed you in the face like ten times… from the inside!!”
Skater: “My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Saul: “You aint got ta worry about it man, I can hook you up! Guess what!”
Skater: “What?!”
Saul: “I’m a lawyer!!”
Skater: “Sweeet… and??!”
Saul lights a cigarette and sits back.
Saul: “Annnd we’re gonna be RICH!!”
Skater: “Rich?”
Saul: “Yes my wheel-fitted friend, RICH! I just need you to do something for me!”
Saul reaches in the back of his car/office behind him, pulling out a container.
Saul: “Just pour some of this engine oil on the ground over there!”
Skater: “Engine oil?”
Saul looks around the parking lot., stopping only to fumble about his pants pocket, pulling out his phone.
"I like big butts and I cannot lie"
Saul: “Who this?!”
Saul: “Hello??”
Saul: “Felicia, is this you?! Stop calling me bitch!”
Saul slides the phone back in his pocket and stares back at the skater, staring back at him in confusion.
Saul: “What?””
Skater: “Soo you want me to pour engine oil on the ground becaaause…”
Saul breathes a deep sigh, leans forward and punches the kid in the eye, who staggers back in bewilderment.
Skater: “Dude what the fu-”
Saul: “Because you slipped on the oil and fell!”
Skater: “But I did fall?”
Saul: “Well now you fell and it’s Walmart’s fault, I can’t do shit with you if they know you can’t keep your feet on the damn skateboard!”
Skater: “I guess…”
Saul: “My man!”
Saul straightens his tie as the skater does what he is told, Saul throwing the container back in the car and beginning to shut it up, calmly composing himself as he pulls his phone back out.
Saul: “Yeah hello, can I get an ambulance or something this dude outside Walmart just had a skateboard accident and broke his leg. Hurry its bad! OMG! HURRY!”
Saul tucks the phone back in his pocket and reaches in the car once again.
Skater: “Whaaaaat? My leg isn’t broken?”
Saul pulls out a small hammer.
Saul: “Think of the money kid, think of the money and just remember… its Saul Legit!”
The skater takes a nervous gulp as Saul walks over to him, tapping the hammer in his palm and things obviously get bad.
Fin.