Post by Zero on Feb 22, 2015 21:46:42 GMT -5
Hello friends and archenemies, it is I, Zero, hopping on the internet and communicating with you all.
Have you ever had one of those weeks where you tried to do your best, but even that wasn't enough? That's the place I was at earlier. I tried to go out and save some poor, innocent citizens of Dark City, but unfortunately, I became distracted by the new Five Nights at Freddy's 3 game, and they all died in a terrible apartment fire.
But now I see that I have been booked into a match against one named John Carter. If I forget about this one, I'm gonna be screwed. I don't want to lose my first match here. Does anyone have tips on how to set an alarm on an ePhone 2? I don't have one of new fancy ones yet, but I'm hoping to make enough money in NGSE to buy one. Honestly, I'm secretly hoping I don't see any more interviews from anyone else. It would be pretty cool to have the awesome achievement of having the first victory in NGSE. It's time for me to step out and start bringing smiles to everyone's faces, which is typically only something I do when I get caught jerking it in an adult movie theater again. So come on Johnny, let's make our match the one that everyone wants to see, and one that everyone remembers for weeks.
Did I ever tell you guys how I came here? Well, I'll fill you in. I was fighting a rather nasty villain named Glacier in The Negative Zone who was stealing money from hard-working fans. He claimed to be a wrestler too, but sadly, he was terrible. But I digress. I just finished beating up this guy Glacier when a portal to another universe opened up, which naturally, I entered without thinking.. just like I did with my first girlfriend. So I entered the portal and I found myself here in what I dub the KHillverse, and frankly, I love it. It's a great place, and I can't wait to keep things heading forward.
That's what brings me to this week. There's this dude out there named John Carter, which sounds like a superhero's secret identity name. I bet he's a huge hero to someone. Hell, I wonder if he'll let me put a big set of armor on him. It would be awesome to finally have a superhero sidekick, a partner, a guy I can hang with after hours. Maybe even go on one of those bro-cations.
Look, I know I'm supposed to fight this guy, and I'm really hoping that we can work things out, and instead of beating the crap out of each other, that maybe we can spend our time playing cards in the ring. I'm really good at Magic the Gathering, and I've spent thousands of dollars on them. If you're not into Magic, I can see if the awesome owner will set us up in a Rock Paper Scissors Match. That's more up my alley. Plus, I've won the RPS Championship three times in Canada.
Okay, I'm sure that by now, John Carter is probably recording some bad ass video where he's banging a chick, or beating up some jobbers, or a dozen other cool things. So I'll just come right out with it. Don't be a dick, dude. Let's work together and take NGSE by storm. Imagine this, if you will: John Carter and Zero, Tag Team Champions. Don't like that? How about this: We work together and get ourselves some singles gold. I haven't held a singles title in almost two years, so it's time. Are you game, or are we going to have to beat the hell out of each other?
C'mon pal, let's work together!
- Zero