Post by Kenzie Rydell on Aug 12, 2016 19:26:23 GMT -5
ORIGINAL SIN
"Hey," a somber Kenzie Rydell tells the shaky camera in the palm of her hand with a small forced smile. Taking a deep breath, she prepares herself for what she's about to say.
"I know all you guys subscribed to this YouTube channel are used to the recent high production value, but I think it's been too overdue since I just talked to you like a normal person. I owe you that much, especially with everything that's been going on lately, you know?"
Her big bright eyes looked to the left slightly, trying to think of what to say as she stood up from her bed and headed out the door with the camera still pointed at her own face with her right hand.
"I haven't been... I haven't been acting like myself, have I? I suppose I should thank Damon Graves for showing me that. Behind all the usual insults, one thing stuck out at me. Egotistical. And that... That deserves some needed attention."
Walking through the kitchen, she turned the camera to show what was in her refrigerator. She focused on the Red Bull, then to a couple bottles of Lipton iced tea. The camera moved higher to the door filled to the brim with delicious lunch meats like ham and salami slices, as well as a small stack of pepper jack cheese. Retrieving the cheese and the ham, she shut the door and continued talking.
,
"Recently, I've been talking myself up before I get in front of a camera. It's a little embarrassing, I know, but you deserve the truth. I guess I've been trying to show everyone watching that I could be this strong independent woman making her triumphant comeback, someone who's unapologetically confident in her abilities and unflinchingly sure of herself. It seemed like a better role than that 'innocent' naive girl who's in way over her head and just wants to be everyone's friend, you see what I mean?"
The sandwich was completed, black forest ham and pepper jack cheese complete with honey mustard and surrounded by rye bread. It was a feast for the eyes as much as it was a feast to Kenzie, and as the video showed her carrying the sandwich to the kitchen table and taking a seat, she finally flipped the view to show her face again.
"I copied the kind of thing I saw people like Gavin and Ashleigh doing in an attempt to find my own voice, and I just ended up finding someone else's. That's not fair to you guys. You deserve me, not me playing a part. You deserve someone real, someone genuine, someone unafraid to express their real opinions without the need to embellish the way they say it. You deserve someone who stays as far from the word 'egotistical' as possible, no matter who's on the other side of the ring."
She took a big bite of her sandwich, nervous hazel eyes looking into the lens as she looked down softly.
"I... I wanna talk about a topic I've been avoiding like the plague lately. I want to come clean about what happened at City Of Sin. And the truth is, I—"
She stopped herself. This was harder than she thought it would be.
"I wasn't late."
The words burst out before she was ready, stunned she even got this far. Her voice shook, a nervous habit of hers that she's had since she was a kid.
"I mean, I was late, but... But I didn't technically miss the match with Avery Miles III against Damon Graves and Aurora Knight. I was in the building. Thomas & Mack Center. 19,000 people in attendance, a full house. I just—"
She stopped herself again, looking down and away from the camera. She whispered to herself, much like she would have before being on camera any other time.
"No. Be honest. No bullshit excuses. I can do it. I know I can."
She looked back up into the camera, eyes shaking, a blank expression adorning her visage. Honesty overcame her and she just started talking.
"I didn't answer Avery's phone calls, but I knew he was looking for me. I heard him from the hallway, okay? And I knew it was my responsibility to help him keep his tag team championship, but at the same time, I knew I couldn't compete. I knew no matter how bad I wanted to fight alongside him against AoD, I couldn't. Not that night. It wasn't possible."
"I'm so sorry to every single person I disappointed that night. I know it's never enough for me to just say it, but I just wanted to tell my side of the story."
She solemnly took another bite of her sandwich, the camera perched up on a small stand on the table so both her hands were free.
"I was drunk. I drank earlier that night, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get myself sober. I heard him talking to Taylor, wondering where I was, and I broke down. I ran, I cried, I hid. I ruined my chances. I ruined my chances to become a double champion and I screwed my friend over in the process, and there's no excuse for it. Not a single one."
"I was selfish. I admit it, in front of everyone. I was too busy thinking about myself than I was thinking about everyone else."
She laid her heart bare for everyone to see, unafraid of what anyone else would say. Her words were genuine, they sounded like it. It wasn't rehearsed, it wasn't a planned speech, it was honesty. She sucked in another breath before she continued, saying everything she knew other people would call her out for before they could.
"I drank. Under the pressure, I cracked. It's just, this whole wrestling thing, the way people stab their friends in the back, the way people just twist the knife and chastise every little thing you've ever done in the public eye, it's a lot to handle. On that night, after everything Ashleigh Jericho said to me, after everything I kept telling myself, I felt like... I felt like, why am I even here? Why am I even doing what I do? Why do I even wrestle?"
"It's a common question. It's a question I ask myself a lot, but to be honest? I don't have an answer. I just know I love the unbelievable rush I get when the crowd's behind me. I know that beating an arrogant asshole like a Damon Graves makes me feel happier than I've ever been in my whole entire life; it's like I accomplished something insurmountable. I just know that under those hot lights, I feel... Comfortable in my own skin, like I'm strong. I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and nobody in the whole goddamn world is going to tell me I can't. I wrestle because out there, I'm someone else. I'm Kenzie Rydell, representing Nashville, Tennessee and nobody in the locker room, on Twitter, can stop me when I'm on a roll and I feel that confidence flowing inside my veins! I..."
Her shouting gave way to her voice trailing off into silence, giving some thought to her next few words.
"I can't explain it right, but... I don't have an answer. I have a whole list. And what people say about me isn't going to be the most important thing to me anymore. What matters is the people who do support me. What matters is meeting my high expectations and getting to a place where I can comfortably say that I deserve to point myself towards a title without a doubt."
Confidence began to collect inside her again. She was sitting up straighter, looking straight into the lens again, and even talking with her hands a little.
"That's why I wanted to be one hundred percent honest with all of you. I didn't want what I did on the night of City Of Sins to keep swirling with speculation. I needed you to know, point blank, what happened and put it to rest that I intend on correcting my mistake and growing stronger than I've ever been because of it."
She smiled softly, a genuine smile this time.
"So if you want to think about this upcoming match against Damon Graves as penance for what I've done, go ahead. If you think it's my first major leap to recovery here in NGW, that works too. I can't change your mind. All I can say is, I'm definitely not taking this upcoming match lightly."
"Despite everything I've said about the man, Damon Graves is good. He's one of the better fighters in AoD, and that's saying something. It's just unfortunate that AoD hasn't even accomplished anything think its inception, isn't it?"
A devious smirk crosses her face.
"When you want to gauge the success of a group, you have to look at its leader, and right now, Corey Bull's statistics aren't as flawless as you might believe. He couldn't beat Gavin Grimes for the title. He couldn't beat Dirk Bentley. And worse yet, you guys couldn't even do the one thing AoD was brought forth to do and that's 'cleansing NGW of its sins.' From what I can see, Dirk's walking away scot-free after everything he did and AoD has nothing to show for it."
"So, how do you expect me to take you seriously? That's not arrogance, that's looking at the facts, Damon. You can use everything I've said and throw it right back in my face, but I can't help but think that you're still undeserving of that championship you've got over your shoulder. I mean, sure, you can prove me wrong and defend it fair and square in the future, but right now? It just looks like your hanging on to a trinket that represents my own mistakes more than it represents your successes."
Now she was back to normal, concentration at an all time high by the look in her eyes once she finished her sandwich.
"Face it, Damon. AoD turned into yet another group of wannabe monsters under the thin guise of saviors. AoD is the spitting image of a less developed Gods & Monsters from EXODUS fame, only with less talent and more unbelievable failures. And I thought the number's game was near unbeatable. You showed me. Thanks for that lesson."
"Keep going though. Tell me why I should be intimidated. Tell me why I should be scared of a man who's never won a one on one match fair and square. Tell me why this is your night. Tell me how you're going to topple everything I've ever done down like a ton of bricks and use it to heighten your own career here in NGW. Tell me how I'm the disappointment when you can't even get passed Dirk Bentley as a group. Tell me why all you do is talk yourself up like a broken record when we all know it's all total bullshit and that you couldn't do a thing without your little posse helping you every step of the way! Go on. Say it. I'm waiting."
"And go ahead and tell me why you're befitting to judge what I've done, why you're judge jury and executioner! Tell me why you're going to give me an open forum to give penance when you beat the crap out of me and absolve me of my sins or whatever the fuck you'd say! Tell me I'm a worthless bitch who made a fool out of herself long before City Of Sins when I bragged about defending my NGW Five Lakes Championship twice when one of the title defenses was against John Fucking Blade!!"
Her aggressive shouting softened some for just a little while, fiery eyes still glaring into the lens.
"I've heard it all before, I'm sure I'll hear it countless times, and you'll add nothing to what I've already told myself. I get it. The past few months in NGW haven't been my best. I've failed when I should have succeeded, fell when I could have soared, but to tell the truth? I'm glad this match is against you, Damon. I'm glad out of anyone on the roster, you're going to be the man I look face to face with when I release all my frustrations and direct it straight at you. I'm glad I get the chance to mark my newfound success on the carcass of your fallen ego when I beat you in the middle of that ring and show every single person in attendance that you're just a boy with an ego too big for his talent!"
"I said it once, I'll say it again. You couldn't beat me at your—"
She suddenly stops herself. Looking down at the empty plate, she ponders something silently in her head before speaking up again.
"No. That's not me. I know I could lose against you, Damon. I know you have the talent to do it, you just haven't had the time to show it."
Her eyes looked into the camera again, a soft lazy smile across her face again.
"Listen. Good luck, okay? You're— not going to need it, but good luck."
"Hey," she suddenly says with another forced smile, echoing the beginning of the video. "Give me a favor, Damon. When we're out there, win or lose... I want you to make it hurt. After what I did, maybe that'll make Avery, Taylor, and everyone else happy. And that's what I want, right? To make people happy?"
With that, the video abruptly ended.
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Once the video ended, Kenzie eyed a bottle of whiskey on the edge of the table right out of the camera's sight, half-filled with the same liquid poison that tainted her career. Her fists tightened at her side and her eyebrows furrowed intensely, her tongue dry with anticipation. It was like an ex-boyfriend she knew was bad for her, taunting her without even saying a word. Kenzie just gritted her teeth and reached forward, slender digits wrapped around the bottle.
Decisions crossed her mind in a whirlwind, sweat dripping down the back of her neck. Her heartbeat quickens, pounding away inside her chest cavity until finally she makes a move. Pushing the chair backward, she carries the bottle to the sink and lets the warm toxic liquid pool into the sewers.
That is until letting the last remnants of the cheap whiskey pour down her parched throat.
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