Post by No Homie on Feb 15, 2016 0:56:51 GMT -5
[On Television, Watching Television]
[She Loves Me]
[Location: Some random courtroom on TV]
Something simply didn’t sit right with this one, the damning DNA evidence, the lack of witnesses, there was just nothing I could work with as he stood idly on the clock of the people. A million thoughts are flowing through my brain, angles, scenarios… I rap my knuckles on the pine of the panels around me, adjust the cufflinks of my favourite jacket and release a deep breath, looking up at the awaiting judge and give him a comforting smile, the judge isn’t so comforting, raising his glasses and sternly frowning back.
“Mister Legit?”
“Your honour.”
I clasp my hands together and begin taking a few steps, turning to the jury.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.. I could go on and on about medical statistics, forensic loopholes and bury you in as much factual nonsense as I possibly can but the fact is… well… I can’t prove to you that my client is innocent, I’m here more to persuade you to think outside the box here. I have children myself, yes what my client did was horrendous, yes it was despicable, I mean robbing from blind children…”
I put both hands up and make rabbit ears quote signs with my fingers.
“It’s almost impossible for those children to see where my client is coming from…”
A heavy Gavel knock later.
[Fin.]
======
“What an asshole. No more NGWtube for me”
It’s another day in paradise for everyone’s least favourite electric person, Pac Power, sitting in a chair with a blank expression on his face having just watched a very confusing Saul Legit promo, a thin white cord seemingly attached to his arm.
"Outta juice. This is the fun part, now I gotta recharge. "
Pac flicks the cable a little and looks around, sighing and tapping his fingers on the table.
"I mean I can still go at 2%, I’m fine but apparently I gotta do this, apparently I have to reconnect with the world."
Pac rabbit ears with his fingers. “Reconnect”
"I don’t care. Whatever."
Pac rests his head back and looks up at the ceiling with complete lack of interest.
"So where was I…"
“Basketball… three on three… I’m pretty sure I covered that already. It wasn’t cooking or self-help groups, not fishing and beer… today I’d like to talk about…”
Pac breaks into a grin.
“Love.”
Pac raises his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah, love baby!”
Pac pulls a single red rose…
“You know what… usually I’d be all about explaining concepts and being peculiar but I’m just gonna leave this here!”
Pac begins pulling at the petals.
“She loves me… who, Emma Dylan? She wants me to tap her or something. Was it the other way around, tap her… tap out, same thing. I gotta admit I’m not into the wholesome girl next door deal… I’m all about a MILF! Emma’s probably got crabs anyway, let’s put her in the loves me not category just to be safe.”
Pac pulls at another petal.
“She loves me… Jessica Sears. I don’t think I’ve seen her in a video, I think I tried to find her on the website but she was nowhere to be found. OH MY GOD SHES A MYSTERY OPPONENT! That means she’s probably going to be the whole dark horse deal, but yeah anyway… I like a little mystery, mystery is hot.”
Pac looks at the petal.
“So does she love me, or love me not…”
Pac makes a few expressions of conflicting thoughts, gives up and eats the petal.
“And of course… Stevie Harris.”
Pac clutches the rose close to his chest and flutters his eyes.
“I like this one… I like the way it smells, I like the way it reminds me of pretty things when I touch it. This one is easy, I don’t even have to guess… you see Stevie, I am in love with you lately. I want you to be my valentine this year.”
Pac smiles, looking up in the air dreamingly.
“I want you to be my Valentine… I want your heart. I want to take your heart and I’m going to twist, and wringe and crush it until its broken and bloody, valves and veins everywhere just bleeding out.”
Pac rips the rose in half.
“See at Conflict, our little six man tag shindig… despite the fact that there are two women on your team… the only women in the match actually, I don’t want them as my Valentine. Only you Stevie… only you. I’m going to break your fucking heart Potato Head.”
[She Loves Me]
[Location: Some random courtroom on TV]
Something simply didn’t sit right with this one, the damning DNA evidence, the lack of witnesses, there was just nothing I could work with as he stood idly on the clock of the people. A million thoughts are flowing through my brain, angles, scenarios… I rap my knuckles on the pine of the panels around me, adjust the cufflinks of my favourite jacket and release a deep breath, looking up at the awaiting judge and give him a comforting smile, the judge isn’t so comforting, raising his glasses and sternly frowning back.
“Mister Legit?”
“Your honour.”
I clasp my hands together and begin taking a few steps, turning to the jury.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.. I could go on and on about medical statistics, forensic loopholes and bury you in as much factual nonsense as I possibly can but the fact is… well… I can’t prove to you that my client is innocent, I’m here more to persuade you to think outside the box here. I have children myself, yes what my client did was horrendous, yes it was despicable, I mean robbing from blind children…”
I put both hands up and make rabbit ears quote signs with my fingers.
“It’s almost impossible for those children to see where my client is coming from…”
A heavy Gavel knock later.
[Fin.]
======
“What an asshole. No more NGWtube for me”
It’s another day in paradise for everyone’s least favourite electric person, Pac Power, sitting in a chair with a blank expression on his face having just watched a very confusing Saul Legit promo, a thin white cord seemingly attached to his arm.
"Outta juice. This is the fun part, now I gotta recharge. "
Pac flicks the cable a little and looks around, sighing and tapping his fingers on the table.
"I mean I can still go at 2%, I’m fine but apparently I gotta do this, apparently I have to reconnect with the world."
Pac rabbit ears with his fingers. “Reconnect”
"I don’t care. Whatever."
Pac rests his head back and looks up at the ceiling with complete lack of interest.
"So where was I…"
“Basketball… three on three… I’m pretty sure I covered that already. It wasn’t cooking or self-help groups, not fishing and beer… today I’d like to talk about…”
Pac breaks into a grin.
“Love.”
Pac raises his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah, love baby!”
Pac pulls a single red rose…
“You know what… usually I’d be all about explaining concepts and being peculiar but I’m just gonna leave this here!”
Pac begins pulling at the petals.
“She loves me… who, Emma Dylan? She wants me to tap her or something. Was it the other way around, tap her… tap out, same thing. I gotta admit I’m not into the wholesome girl next door deal… I’m all about a MILF! Emma’s probably got crabs anyway, let’s put her in the loves me not category just to be safe.”
Pac pulls at another petal.
“She loves me… Jessica Sears. I don’t think I’ve seen her in a video, I think I tried to find her on the website but she was nowhere to be found. OH MY GOD SHES A MYSTERY OPPONENT! That means she’s probably going to be the whole dark horse deal, but yeah anyway… I like a little mystery, mystery is hot.”
Pac looks at the petal.
“So does she love me, or love me not…”
Pac makes a few expressions of conflicting thoughts, gives up and eats the petal.
“And of course… Stevie Harris.”
Pac clutches the rose close to his chest and flutters his eyes.
“I like this one… I like the way it smells, I like the way it reminds me of pretty things when I touch it. This one is easy, I don’t even have to guess… you see Stevie, I am in love with you lately. I want you to be my valentine this year.”
Pac smiles, looking up in the air dreamingly.
“I want you to be my Valentine… I want your heart. I want to take your heart and I’m going to twist, and wringe and crush it until its broken and bloody, valves and veins everywhere just bleeding out.”
Pac rips the rose in half.
“See at Conflict, our little six man tag shindig… despite the fact that there are two women on your team… the only women in the match actually, I don’t want them as my Valentine. Only you Stevie… only you. I’m going to break your fucking heart Potato Head.”