Post by Bronx Valescence on Nov 5, 2015 22:08:43 GMT -5
Glasses chinked once against one another as poolside in Indianapolis, Bryan Williams and Bronx Valescence was enjoying what would be one of the few last summer nights that the dreadful state of Indiana would see. Despite it being the very end of October and into November, the weather was still, randomly and conventionally warm. Bronx and Bryan was in the middle of sharing a beer. Nobody else was around the pool area, probably because despite the warm evening, the cold nights had brought the pool water to a bitter cold.
“What does Strange Bedfellows mean? Sounds like something I would put in my Tinder bio to be completely honest.”
Bronx answered a question from Bryan when he asked about the tag match coming up on Vendetta. He would be paired with his challenger, or the champion, however you looked at it. While Dirk Dagger and Tara Blackhart would be on the other side of the ring.
“Well…It means when you have a match where the person you’re facing in a future show is going to be your tag partner, in this case it’s Carmine Reaper, he’s the NGW Heavyweight Champion so…”
Violently Bronx quickly shook his head so much his long locks swayed from side to side.
“No…I’m the Anzac Professional…Shit. Fuck”
He had already forgotten what it was called, Bronx looked up from their seats poolside and one could see Bronx’s title gleaming in the window as if it were looking down at them.
“Regardless. I’m the champion. He’s going to be the challenger at All Roads Lead Home because I am the man in GIW. I’ve proven that. I’ve ran Alioth Starre out of town on his books of poetry. Look…”
Bryan looked as Bronx pointed to a banner which Bronx had literally draped from their hotel room window down the rest of the building, it was an eye sore and looked poorly done.
“What does that even say?”
Bryan squinted trying to see it.
“It says…HAPPY RETIREMENT TEE VOLAND.”
Bronx looked so proud of himself while Bryan looked over to him a bit oddly.
“Besides you spelling retirement wrong, it looks…Great….But did she really retire?”
Answering that question with a shrug, Bronx spoke. It was odd, it seemed at time Bronx was trying to cut a promo, but at the same time trying to have a normal conversation with Bryan, Bryan just oddly stared at him during those times.
“You know what? I’ll be the bigger man here. Instead of goading Tee Voland because I’ve ruined her five times now and all she’s done is throw me over the top rope ONCE and brags about it like she won a championship. I’m going to be the bigger man. I want to congratulate Tee Voland on a great career because I know she has to retire after I have embarrassed her so much. There is no way she shows her fat ugly face on NGW television AGAIN, because I have finally shut her up more than putting a box of Twinkies in front of her would do.”
He paused only long enough to drink the rest of his beer.
“Surprisingly though, my opponent this week is not Tee Voland, for the first time in eight years, I’m facing someone else. This is a classic strange bed fellow’s match. I’ll be put up against my trash opponent for the Anzac Pro and Heavyweight World Championsh—“
Suddenly Bronx began digging down into the pocket of his jeans before he finally pulled out a piece of paper, still ruffled up from a couple of weeks ago. It looked as if it had been washed up a few times and crumpled back up in his pocket, but it was still intact.
“Excuse me…The NGW Anzac Pro Title and the NGW Heavyweight Title, Caramel Raper.”
He paused again, this time he pulled out ANOTHER post it note, this time from the other pocket and then he began to sound out the letters, you could see his lips moving trying to get the phonetics down as he finally looked back up.
“Sorry, excuse me. Carmine Reaper. I misspoke. You know, in a way I respect Reaper. He took out John William Kingsley which I didn’t think was possible. I thought that was my story to tell, I thought it would be me to knock him off his throne but Carmine, no matter how stupid his name is, isn’t as stupid as John William’s Kingsley’s whole get up. I’m not like most people. I can get along with Carmine for a match like this. I care about one thing and that is getting one for the team.”
Bronx suddenly gave a big thumbs up and then turned the other way, Bryan gave him a rather awkward look as Bronx put on a fake smile.
“And that is exactly what our platform is about here at the headquarters for BronxyV 2016. Taking one for the team. You see, sometimes you have to reach across that aisle. In this case I am reaching across the aisle for Carmine. Even if he has the stupidest name in all of wrestling…Besides that other dude in the match, Dick Dagger. That guy sounds like a porn star…Anyway…Wait…Am I allowed to say porn or is that like…Frowned upon?”
He glanced over to Bryan who merely gave a shrug.
“I do know what is frowned upon, not doing a damn thing to get my attention because I couldn’t point Tara Blackhart out of some random person walking down the street. You could tell me Dirk Dagger is that beach umbrella over there and I would probably believe you because he’s as irrelevant as Alioth Starre and Tee Voland’s career combined.”
Proudly, Bronx looked over to Bryan and dusted off his hands like he had just done a day’s work in a couple of minutes.
“Aren’t you at least kind of pissed this guy gets a good look at you before the match? I mean he has time to scout you…You have the same time to scout him…But still.”
Bronx held up his hands.
“I’m not a huge crybaby like John William Kingsley. I offered him a shot at my title anytime he wants it, any place. That’s because I’m confident in my ability. People think just because I’m running for president or because I’m stupid on Twitter that I’m some kind of idiot. FACT, those who learn to question the authority and never take an answer for what it is in our society turns out to be smarter than those who don’t. I’m trying to expose the truth of the wrestling business, one wrestler at a time. The last year—at least so it seems, has been Tee Voland.”
For whatever reason when he got buzzed he couldn’t stop mentioning Tee Voland.
“Wait is she in the match?”
Bryan shook his head.
“No.”
Bronx searched his thoughts once more.
“Dick Dagger and Tara Lockhart..”
Bronx looked to Bryan for approval, but his friend just merely shook his head. Bronx shrugged.
“Fuck ‘em. Tee Voland is still a bitch. Want to go get some pizza?”
“What does Strange Bedfellows mean? Sounds like something I would put in my Tinder bio to be completely honest.”
Bronx answered a question from Bryan when he asked about the tag match coming up on Vendetta. He would be paired with his challenger, or the champion, however you looked at it. While Dirk Dagger and Tara Blackhart would be on the other side of the ring.
“Well…It means when you have a match where the person you’re facing in a future show is going to be your tag partner, in this case it’s Carmine Reaper, he’s the NGW Heavyweight Champion so…”
Violently Bronx quickly shook his head so much his long locks swayed from side to side.
“No…I’m the Anzac Professional…Shit. Fuck”
He had already forgotten what it was called, Bronx looked up from their seats poolside and one could see Bronx’s title gleaming in the window as if it were looking down at them.
“Regardless. I’m the champion. He’s going to be the challenger at All Roads Lead Home because I am the man in GIW. I’ve proven that. I’ve ran Alioth Starre out of town on his books of poetry. Look…”
Bryan looked as Bronx pointed to a banner which Bronx had literally draped from their hotel room window down the rest of the building, it was an eye sore and looked poorly done.
“What does that even say?”
Bryan squinted trying to see it.
“It says…HAPPY RETIREMENT TEE VOLAND.”
Bronx looked so proud of himself while Bryan looked over to him a bit oddly.
“Besides you spelling retirement wrong, it looks…Great….But did she really retire?”
Answering that question with a shrug, Bronx spoke. It was odd, it seemed at time Bronx was trying to cut a promo, but at the same time trying to have a normal conversation with Bryan, Bryan just oddly stared at him during those times.
“You know what? I’ll be the bigger man here. Instead of goading Tee Voland because I’ve ruined her five times now and all she’s done is throw me over the top rope ONCE and brags about it like she won a championship. I’m going to be the bigger man. I want to congratulate Tee Voland on a great career because I know she has to retire after I have embarrassed her so much. There is no way she shows her fat ugly face on NGW television AGAIN, because I have finally shut her up more than putting a box of Twinkies in front of her would do.”
He paused only long enough to drink the rest of his beer.
“Surprisingly though, my opponent this week is not Tee Voland, for the first time in eight years, I’m facing someone else. This is a classic strange bed fellow’s match. I’ll be put up against my trash opponent for the Anzac Pro and Heavyweight World Championsh—“
Suddenly Bronx began digging down into the pocket of his jeans before he finally pulled out a piece of paper, still ruffled up from a couple of weeks ago. It looked as if it had been washed up a few times and crumpled back up in his pocket, but it was still intact.
“Excuse me…The NGW Anzac Pro Title and the NGW Heavyweight Title, Caramel Raper.”
He paused again, this time he pulled out ANOTHER post it note, this time from the other pocket and then he began to sound out the letters, you could see his lips moving trying to get the phonetics down as he finally looked back up.
“Sorry, excuse me. Carmine Reaper. I misspoke. You know, in a way I respect Reaper. He took out John William Kingsley which I didn’t think was possible. I thought that was my story to tell, I thought it would be me to knock him off his throne but Carmine, no matter how stupid his name is, isn’t as stupid as John William’s Kingsley’s whole get up. I’m not like most people. I can get along with Carmine for a match like this. I care about one thing and that is getting one for the team.”
Bronx suddenly gave a big thumbs up and then turned the other way, Bryan gave him a rather awkward look as Bronx put on a fake smile.
“And that is exactly what our platform is about here at the headquarters for BronxyV 2016. Taking one for the team. You see, sometimes you have to reach across that aisle. In this case I am reaching across the aisle for Carmine. Even if he has the stupidest name in all of wrestling…Besides that other dude in the match, Dick Dagger. That guy sounds like a porn star…Anyway…Wait…Am I allowed to say porn or is that like…Frowned upon?”
He glanced over to Bryan who merely gave a shrug.
“I do know what is frowned upon, not doing a damn thing to get my attention because I couldn’t point Tara Blackhart out of some random person walking down the street. You could tell me Dirk Dagger is that beach umbrella over there and I would probably believe you because he’s as irrelevant as Alioth Starre and Tee Voland’s career combined.”
Proudly, Bronx looked over to Bryan and dusted off his hands like he had just done a day’s work in a couple of minutes.
“Aren’t you at least kind of pissed this guy gets a good look at you before the match? I mean he has time to scout you…You have the same time to scout him…But still.”
Bronx held up his hands.
“I’m not a huge crybaby like John William Kingsley. I offered him a shot at my title anytime he wants it, any place. That’s because I’m confident in my ability. People think just because I’m running for president or because I’m stupid on Twitter that I’m some kind of idiot. FACT, those who learn to question the authority and never take an answer for what it is in our society turns out to be smarter than those who don’t. I’m trying to expose the truth of the wrestling business, one wrestler at a time. The last year—at least so it seems, has been Tee Voland.”
For whatever reason when he got buzzed he couldn’t stop mentioning Tee Voland.
“Wait is she in the match?”
Bryan shook his head.
“No.”
Bronx searched his thoughts once more.
“Dick Dagger and Tara Lockhart..”
Bronx looked to Bryan for approval, but his friend just merely shook his head. Bronx shrugged.
“Fuck ‘em. Tee Voland is still a bitch. Want to go get some pizza?”
