Post by Bronx Valescence on Oct 23, 2015 0:06:41 GMT -5
“You know, they didn’t have to hire you. I feel like I’m more than perfectly capable of remembering these things myself.”
The scene was a small coffee shop in Cincinnati which Bronx had called home in the last week or so. Bronx had done what any Cincinnatian would do. Complain about the recent changes in weather. It was 50 degrees outside of the coffee shop which could be considered warm to a northerner, but Bronx had on a large leather jacket with fur around the collar and…You guessed it, a blanket scarf which was in all intents and purposes made for women but Bronx was rocking the hell out of it with a pair of jeans. His title belt sat in a chair (in a booster seat) beside of Bronx.
“Bronx…”
A man sat across from him at the small table, but he was dressed a bit more modest. A checkered shirt with a matching tie and slacks. Thick glasses rested on his nose, a pen was tucked behind his ear with a piece of paper in front of him.
“We at NGW have a very small HR department if you couldn’t tell. Now that you’re a…Champion.”
He looked over to the championship belt which was still oddly set up in a booster seat instead of propped up on Bronx’s shoulder…Or…You know…Somewhere in safe keeping. Bronx hadn’t let the title out of his sight. When he went to the shower, he kept it on the towel rack, when he went to the gym, it stayed either around his waist or right beside him.
“Yes…I am the New Zealand World Undisputed Heavyweight Champion…I represent NGW quite well if I do say so myself. Viewership is up, more affiliates are popping on and it’s because I have gold around my waist so what exactly are you playing at?”
The man heaved a deep sigh and then took his glasses off and put his head in his hands, which he had done several times over the phone when he and Bronx had spoken.
“That’s…That’s exactly it, Bronx. You can’t go around just calling the title what you want. Do you even know what the title is called?”
He nodded to the belt which was propped up in the seat like a baby. Bronx looked at it for a second, despite the words: ANZAC PRO CHAMPIONSHIP on the belt in bold letters, he looked back over to the man.
“The…Intercontinental New England Championship Title Undisputed.”
HR man just stared at Bronx.
“I mean, can you even read?”
For once Bronx did look offended upon being asked the question.
“Of course I can read. I just…Sometimes I forget what it is called so I just make it up. Look, when I become NGW Heavyweight World Champion in a few weeks, I won’t have to worry about it. Everyone knows what the NGW Undisputed Heavyweight Championship is called.”
As the man put the glasses back onto his face, the barista came from behind the shiny machinery to sit two cups of coffee out onto the counter. One iced and one in a large container with what looked like whipped cream on top.
“Bronxy V!”
He called out, Bronx made a move to get up from the table.
“See, right there. You did it again! It’s the NGW Heavyweight Championship, not whatever you just said. You’re a prominent figure here for NGW, especially with people taking time off and retiring. You can carry this banner and if you are you—“
Bronx cut the man off.
“Hold that thought, captain. I need to go get my coffee.”
The man heaved another sigh as Bronx scooted his chair from the small table and walked up to the counter and scooped the drinks up in his hands and then briskly walked back over to the table. The man who sat in front of Bronx anxiously looked forward to get his drink but instead Bronx slid the drink in front of his title belt as well.
“There you go, baby.”
Bronx lovingly said to the title as he leaned back with his iced caramel mocha and sipped it through the straw while watching the man who was disappointed the drink was for an inanimate object instead of him, but none the less.
“We also have to talk about some things you are saying about Tee Voland that aren’t true.”
Slowly Bronx lowered his drink as he glanced over to his title with a look to make sure the title belt was drinking the drink placed in front of it.
“Isn’t that the point of wrestling? TO say stuff about the other person that isn’t true. It’s kind of like…Running for office you know…”
He stared off through the coffee shop window for a second, his eyes glossed over before he returned to the delicious, sugary drink in front of him.
“Plus Tee Voland deserves it. She can’t cut a promo without just rehashing what I said about her. Unlike Tee. I can survive without my opponent’s words. She is living in 1999, I’m living in 2015.”
Without missing a beat the man looked down his list.
“Well, the other day you told a magazine that you would rather…And I quote…Blow up the White House with Obama inside of it than face Tee Voland again.”
Bronx snorted into his coffee.
“Yeah, that was a good one.”
The HR representative quickly shook his head, still peering down at the list.
“No. You can’t just go around saying you’d rather blow up the White House with the President of the United States in it. And then you had another quote that you would rather be raped by a black man than be in the ring with Tee Voland again. That’s also something we have to refrain from saying?”
With this, Bronx looked a bit taken aback.
“Look, I know we can’t call them the N word anymore but now I can’t even say ‘black’, what is this world coming to? You can’t say anything without offending someone.”
As the man tried to cut Bronx off he continued to run his mouth, the only time he paused was to take another sip of the drink. The HR representative used this opportunity to get another word it to Bronx.
“No, it’s not that you said a black guy even though that was…Some racial overtones. You can’t just be joking about rape anymore. It’s a hot button topic that we want to stay away from. You also can’t say I’m going to rape Tee Voland…Or any form of sexual act with Tee Voland.”
A quick scoff from Bronx.
“She wishes.”
It was all the HR representative could do than roll his eyes. He turned over his piece of paper and began scribbling things down on it.
“What are you writing?”
Bronx asked, finishing up his iced caramel latte and then reaching over and grabbing the cup with whipped cream on top.
“Well, if you aren’t going to finish your frap then I’m just going to have to finish it for you, aren’t I.”
He quipped loving to the title as he took a giant slurp of what was sure to be another sugary drink which he surely didn’t need at this point. The HR rep stared at him.
“How many of those do you drink a day?”
Bronx shrugged.
“Two or three. Also a couple of energy drinks too. I’m trying to get a sponsorship with Red Bull. What is this?”
The rep slid a piece of paper across the table to Bronx who looked at it and then opened the crease in the paper, he read as the rep spoke.
“It’s a couple of cheat notes for your speech that you’re going to be giving to hype the show up. You’re going to be there for the grand opening of a department store. You’ll be hyping the main event with Tee Voland, as well as.-
Bronx cut him off.
“Change of plans.”
The representative stared at Bronx.
“What do you mean change of plans.”
Bronx looked back at the rep.
“I mean I called them and told them I wouldn’t be there. Instead of the department store I am giving it in front of the courthouse here in Cincinnati. I have a big contingent here in Eastern, Ohio. I want to make sure they all get to see my big announcement.”
With an exasperated look on his face, the HR rep put his hand to his temple and massaged it gently. He looked to Bronx.
“What announcement is that?”
Bronx opened his arms.
“I am running for the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Look, the way I see it. Everyone who was going to vote for Joe Biden needs someone to vote for. Joe is a cool guy, Trump isn’t going to win the republican nomination, so people will need someone to vote for. I will be the guy. #BronxyV2016, a campaign run by the people, for the people, but nothing but the people so help me god. That is my campaign slogan.”
With that, the HR rep began to pack up. There was no sense in telling Bronx he had to be a certain age to run, hell, Bronx just thought you could throw your name into the hat, especially since Donald Trump was running for president.
“Bronx…Just promise me you’re not going to go up there and make an idiot out of yourself because the more stuff you say the more stuff I have to answer to…”
Bronx wasn’t really paying attention, and so the HR rep left Bronx to sit there with the title belt beside him in the booster seat, sipping away on his Frappuccino.
“Tomorrow, my little title belt which is named…”
Quickly Bronx grabbed the piece of paper the HR rep had given him and began reading over it.
“The Anzac Pro Championship…Tomorrow we throw our name in the hat to become the president of the United States. I will become the first president to not only beat the fuck out of Tee Voland, but I will also be the first president to be the..”
He looked down at the cheat sheet again.
“Anzac Pro Champion. I’ll also be the first one to be the…”
Again he looked down.
“NGW Heavyweight Champion…When I merge the titles and take it from that LARPing gay man who currently holds the belt. Tomorrow, they will all cheer for me, belty…Now let’s go to the motel and get some rest before tomorrow, okay?”
Bronx picked up the belt and swung it over his shoulder, leaving the cups there for the staff to clean up and he exited into the street of Cincinnati with one thing on his mind.
To become the President of the United States.
But also beat Tee Voland for the 500th time so she would shut the fuck up and stop being an annoying cunt.
That sounded a little bit better than being President at the moment.
In front of the court house a reporter stood with the camera shooting her, behind her was the court house steps where a podium was set up. The woman looked into the camera.
“Just behind me, NGW Anzac Pro Champion, Bronx Valescence is set to make a statement about his match coming up against Tee Voland, but also…Sources tell me Bronx has decided he will announce today he will run for President of the United States.”
The reporter stared into the camera.
“Nobody has told Mr. Valescence that he can’t run for President, but now officials are saying there could be a loophole which would allow Bronx to run for President, our source was of course Bronx himself.”
She placed her hand up to her ear as if she had heard something in her ear piece, behind her, Bronx, in his best suit with the Anzac title over his shoulder approached the podium with a smile on his face. The crowd, obviously wrestling fans, burst into applause for seeing their favorite wrestler.
“We now go live to the podium where Bronx Is addressing the crowd here in Cincinnati.”
Bronx looked around to the crowd.
“How’s everyone doing here in the NASTY NATTI?”
It wasn’t a nickname but the crowd lightly applauded him.
“Tee Voland would fit in great here, get it…Because she is nasty…Okay…Well…Cincinnati brings back good memories for me. Just this summer I watched at Ed Sheeran concert up at the Riverbend. I watched the Reds lose after blowing a 5 run lead because their pitching staff if basically a couple of cardboard cutouts. One year I watched the Bengals lose to Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. Some things have changed, some things haven’t. For example, the Bengals are now 5-0.”
The crowd wildly cheered.
“The Reds are still pretty terrible.”
Boos from the crowd.
“But hey, on the bright side I don’t have to throw out a first pitch because there’s no way they’re playing in the playoffs with a bunch of high schoolers for a pitching staff…But it is absolutely great to be here in…”
Bronx trailed off as he glanced down to his cheat sheet.
“Southwestern, Ohio. I want to tell you how great it is to be the Anzan Crowd Champion.”
He cleared his throat.
“Another thing hasn’t changed as well, and that is how annoying Tee Voland is…”
The crowd booed and Bronx made a booing motion with a thumbs down toward the crowd.
“I know…I know she’s a boring piece of…Garbage. Tee Voland thinks she can beat Bronxy V in a fight. Tee Voland thinks, for whatever reason that she is going to be able to pin me not once, but twice in a match when she has never even pinned me for a three count before. Think about how stupid you would have to be to have that logic. You want to hear my prediction, Ohio? I think she loses to be miserably on the next show because that’s what Tee Voland does, she loses to Bronx Valescence, which is her destiny. But my favorite part of this whole thing…Once I beat Tee for the final time. We can’t face each other ever again…And let me tell you how happy that makes me.”
Bronx banged his fist on the table for emphasis.
“Makes me happier than Tee Voland when she sees food. I don’t think you should be a female wrestler and be allowed to wrestler if your BMI score is over like…A 34. Tee is pushing obesity. She can’t stop stress eating over the match, and that is sad, folks. It’s sad I’ve driven Tee to that, but I can’t be focused too much on Tee because this is the SAME stupid bitch who doesn’t want me to talk about her in my promos. Because she doesn’t know how to do wrestling things, despite her only talking about me, only tweeting me…I’m the one who is obsessed. GO figure, right? She is the one who is stupid enough to think she is on the same level as me, but let me tell you all why I am better than Tee Voland.”
Bronx motioned to himself.
“I’m right here, right now. I’ve been here in Cincinnati for the last two weeks, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. I’ve been living here in Cinci, I got my promos up and in on time, what does TEE VOLAND do? She waits until the last second…She takes what I have to say and regurgitates it to you all.”
The crowd began to chant “boring”, but they were talking about Tee Voland, and Bronx agreed, she was pretty goddamn boring.
“Maybe instead of stuffing a sausage down her throat, which she probably isn’t good at either, in her next promo she should cut it while typing a noose around her neck and jumping off the bridge and into the river.”
Bronx forced a smile, but everyone else just looked around uncomfortably, quickly he changed the subject.
“But believe it or not, Tee Voland isn’t why I am here. Just like NGW, Tee isn’t the reason I came. I have come here today to make a very special announcement…I…Bronx Farquhar Valescence, will be running for the PREISDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”
The crowd broke into cheers, mostly laughter, but all Bronx heard was cheers.
“And let me tell you folks something. I promise this campaign will be run transparently. I will be picking my staff via Twitter. I will be running my campaign completely online and I will make sure, the state of Ohio is one of the first states I ban Tee Voland from because my first order of business will be to KICK TEE VOLAND OUT OF AMERICA!”
Bronx pumped his fist, the crowd continued to politely cheer, but not as wild as he had hoped, somewhere in the back the HR rep had his head in his hands and was nearly in tears at this point.
“And if not. I will put her in a concentration camp in my back yard and make her work for a living and shed some of that weight off of her. We will make American what she used to be, and we will make wrestling better than it has been before, because not only will I be the President, but I will also be the world heavyweight President of the world, because I will be carrying not one, not two, but three belts around with me when I also win the Presidency.”
He slammed his fist on the podium again.
“I promise…I swear…I will not rest until Tee Voland is put to justice, and after that…I will continue to win titles in NGW, but I will do so as president. Any question regarding my presidency will go through NGW…Thank you all and good evening!”
Bronx stood there for pictures as fireworks went off in the back ground over the courthouse (which Bronx had bought with NGW’s budget) and an America flag, but with Bronx’s face on it appeared behind him as the scene faded.
The scene was a small coffee shop in Cincinnati which Bronx had called home in the last week or so. Bronx had done what any Cincinnatian would do. Complain about the recent changes in weather. It was 50 degrees outside of the coffee shop which could be considered warm to a northerner, but Bronx had on a large leather jacket with fur around the collar and…You guessed it, a blanket scarf which was in all intents and purposes made for women but Bronx was rocking the hell out of it with a pair of jeans. His title belt sat in a chair (in a booster seat) beside of Bronx.
“Bronx…”
A man sat across from him at the small table, but he was dressed a bit more modest. A checkered shirt with a matching tie and slacks. Thick glasses rested on his nose, a pen was tucked behind his ear with a piece of paper in front of him.
“We at NGW have a very small HR department if you couldn’t tell. Now that you’re a…Champion.”
He looked over to the championship belt which was still oddly set up in a booster seat instead of propped up on Bronx’s shoulder…Or…You know…Somewhere in safe keeping. Bronx hadn’t let the title out of his sight. When he went to the shower, he kept it on the towel rack, when he went to the gym, it stayed either around his waist or right beside him.
“Yes…I am the New Zealand World Undisputed Heavyweight Champion…I represent NGW quite well if I do say so myself. Viewership is up, more affiliates are popping on and it’s because I have gold around my waist so what exactly are you playing at?”
The man heaved a deep sigh and then took his glasses off and put his head in his hands, which he had done several times over the phone when he and Bronx had spoken.
“That’s…That’s exactly it, Bronx. You can’t go around just calling the title what you want. Do you even know what the title is called?”
He nodded to the belt which was propped up in the seat like a baby. Bronx looked at it for a second, despite the words: ANZAC PRO CHAMPIONSHIP on the belt in bold letters, he looked back over to the man.
“The…Intercontinental New England Championship Title Undisputed.”
HR man just stared at Bronx.
“I mean, can you even read?”
For once Bronx did look offended upon being asked the question.
“Of course I can read. I just…Sometimes I forget what it is called so I just make it up. Look, when I become NGW Heavyweight World Champion in a few weeks, I won’t have to worry about it. Everyone knows what the NGW Undisputed Heavyweight Championship is called.”
As the man put the glasses back onto his face, the barista came from behind the shiny machinery to sit two cups of coffee out onto the counter. One iced and one in a large container with what looked like whipped cream on top.
“Bronxy V!”
He called out, Bronx made a move to get up from the table.
“See, right there. You did it again! It’s the NGW Heavyweight Championship, not whatever you just said. You’re a prominent figure here for NGW, especially with people taking time off and retiring. You can carry this banner and if you are you—“
Bronx cut the man off.
“Hold that thought, captain. I need to go get my coffee.”
The man heaved another sigh as Bronx scooted his chair from the small table and walked up to the counter and scooped the drinks up in his hands and then briskly walked back over to the table. The man who sat in front of Bronx anxiously looked forward to get his drink but instead Bronx slid the drink in front of his title belt as well.
“There you go, baby.”
Bronx lovingly said to the title as he leaned back with his iced caramel mocha and sipped it through the straw while watching the man who was disappointed the drink was for an inanimate object instead of him, but none the less.
“We also have to talk about some things you are saying about Tee Voland that aren’t true.”
Slowly Bronx lowered his drink as he glanced over to his title with a look to make sure the title belt was drinking the drink placed in front of it.
“Isn’t that the point of wrestling? TO say stuff about the other person that isn’t true. It’s kind of like…Running for office you know…”
He stared off through the coffee shop window for a second, his eyes glossed over before he returned to the delicious, sugary drink in front of him.
“Plus Tee Voland deserves it. She can’t cut a promo without just rehashing what I said about her. Unlike Tee. I can survive without my opponent’s words. She is living in 1999, I’m living in 2015.”
Without missing a beat the man looked down his list.
“Well, the other day you told a magazine that you would rather…And I quote…Blow up the White House with Obama inside of it than face Tee Voland again.”
Bronx snorted into his coffee.
“Yeah, that was a good one.”
The HR representative quickly shook his head, still peering down at the list.
“No. You can’t just go around saying you’d rather blow up the White House with the President of the United States in it. And then you had another quote that you would rather be raped by a black man than be in the ring with Tee Voland again. That’s also something we have to refrain from saying?”
With this, Bronx looked a bit taken aback.
“Look, I know we can’t call them the N word anymore but now I can’t even say ‘black’, what is this world coming to? You can’t say anything without offending someone.”
As the man tried to cut Bronx off he continued to run his mouth, the only time he paused was to take another sip of the drink. The HR representative used this opportunity to get another word it to Bronx.
“No, it’s not that you said a black guy even though that was…Some racial overtones. You can’t just be joking about rape anymore. It’s a hot button topic that we want to stay away from. You also can’t say I’m going to rape Tee Voland…Or any form of sexual act with Tee Voland.”
A quick scoff from Bronx.
“She wishes.”
It was all the HR representative could do than roll his eyes. He turned over his piece of paper and began scribbling things down on it.
“What are you writing?”
Bronx asked, finishing up his iced caramel latte and then reaching over and grabbing the cup with whipped cream on top.
“Well, if you aren’t going to finish your frap then I’m just going to have to finish it for you, aren’t I.”
He quipped loving to the title as he took a giant slurp of what was sure to be another sugary drink which he surely didn’t need at this point. The HR rep stared at him.
“How many of those do you drink a day?”
Bronx shrugged.
“Two or three. Also a couple of energy drinks too. I’m trying to get a sponsorship with Red Bull. What is this?”
The rep slid a piece of paper across the table to Bronx who looked at it and then opened the crease in the paper, he read as the rep spoke.
“It’s a couple of cheat notes for your speech that you’re going to be giving to hype the show up. You’re going to be there for the grand opening of a department store. You’ll be hyping the main event with Tee Voland, as well as.-
Bronx cut him off.
“Change of plans.”
The representative stared at Bronx.
“What do you mean change of plans.”
Bronx looked back at the rep.
“I mean I called them and told them I wouldn’t be there. Instead of the department store I am giving it in front of the courthouse here in Cincinnati. I have a big contingent here in Eastern, Ohio. I want to make sure they all get to see my big announcement.”
With an exasperated look on his face, the HR rep put his hand to his temple and massaged it gently. He looked to Bronx.
“What announcement is that?”
Bronx opened his arms.
“I am running for the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Look, the way I see it. Everyone who was going to vote for Joe Biden needs someone to vote for. Joe is a cool guy, Trump isn’t going to win the republican nomination, so people will need someone to vote for. I will be the guy. #BronxyV2016, a campaign run by the people, for the people, but nothing but the people so help me god. That is my campaign slogan.”
With that, the HR rep began to pack up. There was no sense in telling Bronx he had to be a certain age to run, hell, Bronx just thought you could throw your name into the hat, especially since Donald Trump was running for president.
“Bronx…Just promise me you’re not going to go up there and make an idiot out of yourself because the more stuff you say the more stuff I have to answer to…”
Bronx wasn’t really paying attention, and so the HR rep left Bronx to sit there with the title belt beside him in the booster seat, sipping away on his Frappuccino.
“Tomorrow, my little title belt which is named…”
Quickly Bronx grabbed the piece of paper the HR rep had given him and began reading over it.
“The Anzac Pro Championship…Tomorrow we throw our name in the hat to become the president of the United States. I will become the first president to not only beat the fuck out of Tee Voland, but I will also be the first president to be the..”
He looked down at the cheat sheet again.
“Anzac Pro Champion. I’ll also be the first one to be the…”
Again he looked down.
“NGW Heavyweight Champion…When I merge the titles and take it from that LARPing gay man who currently holds the belt. Tomorrow, they will all cheer for me, belty…Now let’s go to the motel and get some rest before tomorrow, okay?”
Bronx picked up the belt and swung it over his shoulder, leaving the cups there for the staff to clean up and he exited into the street of Cincinnati with one thing on his mind.
To become the President of the United States.
But also beat Tee Voland for the 500th time so she would shut the fuck up and stop being an annoying cunt.
That sounded a little bit better than being President at the moment.
In front of the court house a reporter stood with the camera shooting her, behind her was the court house steps where a podium was set up. The woman looked into the camera.
“Just behind me, NGW Anzac Pro Champion, Bronx Valescence is set to make a statement about his match coming up against Tee Voland, but also…Sources tell me Bronx has decided he will announce today he will run for President of the United States.”
The reporter stared into the camera.
“Nobody has told Mr. Valescence that he can’t run for President, but now officials are saying there could be a loophole which would allow Bronx to run for President, our source was of course Bronx himself.”
She placed her hand up to her ear as if she had heard something in her ear piece, behind her, Bronx, in his best suit with the Anzac title over his shoulder approached the podium with a smile on his face. The crowd, obviously wrestling fans, burst into applause for seeing their favorite wrestler.
“We now go live to the podium where Bronx Is addressing the crowd here in Cincinnati.”
Bronx looked around to the crowd.
“How’s everyone doing here in the NASTY NATTI?”
It wasn’t a nickname but the crowd lightly applauded him.
“Tee Voland would fit in great here, get it…Because she is nasty…Okay…Well…Cincinnati brings back good memories for me. Just this summer I watched at Ed Sheeran concert up at the Riverbend. I watched the Reds lose after blowing a 5 run lead because their pitching staff if basically a couple of cardboard cutouts. One year I watched the Bengals lose to Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos. Some things have changed, some things haven’t. For example, the Bengals are now 5-0.”
The crowd wildly cheered.
“The Reds are still pretty terrible.”
Boos from the crowd.
“But hey, on the bright side I don’t have to throw out a first pitch because there’s no way they’re playing in the playoffs with a bunch of high schoolers for a pitching staff…But it is absolutely great to be here in…”
Bronx trailed off as he glanced down to his cheat sheet.
“Southwestern, Ohio. I want to tell you how great it is to be the Anzan Crowd Champion.”
He cleared his throat.
“Another thing hasn’t changed as well, and that is how annoying Tee Voland is…”
The crowd booed and Bronx made a booing motion with a thumbs down toward the crowd.
“I know…I know she’s a boring piece of…Garbage. Tee Voland thinks she can beat Bronxy V in a fight. Tee Voland thinks, for whatever reason that she is going to be able to pin me not once, but twice in a match when she has never even pinned me for a three count before. Think about how stupid you would have to be to have that logic. You want to hear my prediction, Ohio? I think she loses to be miserably on the next show because that’s what Tee Voland does, she loses to Bronx Valescence, which is her destiny. But my favorite part of this whole thing…Once I beat Tee for the final time. We can’t face each other ever again…And let me tell you how happy that makes me.”
Bronx banged his fist on the table for emphasis.
“Makes me happier than Tee Voland when she sees food. I don’t think you should be a female wrestler and be allowed to wrestler if your BMI score is over like…A 34. Tee is pushing obesity. She can’t stop stress eating over the match, and that is sad, folks. It’s sad I’ve driven Tee to that, but I can’t be focused too much on Tee because this is the SAME stupid bitch who doesn’t want me to talk about her in my promos. Because she doesn’t know how to do wrestling things, despite her only talking about me, only tweeting me…I’m the one who is obsessed. GO figure, right? She is the one who is stupid enough to think she is on the same level as me, but let me tell you all why I am better than Tee Voland.”
Bronx motioned to himself.
“I’m right here, right now. I’ve been here in Cincinnati for the last two weeks, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. I’ve been living here in Cinci, I got my promos up and in on time, what does TEE VOLAND do? She waits until the last second…She takes what I have to say and regurgitates it to you all.”
The crowd began to chant “boring”, but they were talking about Tee Voland, and Bronx agreed, she was pretty goddamn boring.
“Maybe instead of stuffing a sausage down her throat, which she probably isn’t good at either, in her next promo she should cut it while typing a noose around her neck and jumping off the bridge and into the river.”
Bronx forced a smile, but everyone else just looked around uncomfortably, quickly he changed the subject.
“But believe it or not, Tee Voland isn’t why I am here. Just like NGW, Tee isn’t the reason I came. I have come here today to make a very special announcement…I…Bronx Farquhar Valescence, will be running for the PREISDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!”
The crowd broke into cheers, mostly laughter, but all Bronx heard was cheers.
“And let me tell you folks something. I promise this campaign will be run transparently. I will be picking my staff via Twitter. I will be running my campaign completely online and I will make sure, the state of Ohio is one of the first states I ban Tee Voland from because my first order of business will be to KICK TEE VOLAND OUT OF AMERICA!”
Bronx pumped his fist, the crowd continued to politely cheer, but not as wild as he had hoped, somewhere in the back the HR rep had his head in his hands and was nearly in tears at this point.
“And if not. I will put her in a concentration camp in my back yard and make her work for a living and shed some of that weight off of her. We will make American what she used to be, and we will make wrestling better than it has been before, because not only will I be the President, but I will also be the world heavyweight President of the world, because I will be carrying not one, not two, but three belts around with me when I also win the Presidency.”
He slammed his fist on the podium again.
“I promise…I swear…I will not rest until Tee Voland is put to justice, and after that…I will continue to win titles in NGW, but I will do so as president. Any question regarding my presidency will go through NGW…Thank you all and good evening!”
Bronx stood there for pictures as fireworks went off in the back ground over the courthouse (which Bronx had bought with NGW’s budget) and an America flag, but with Bronx’s face on it appeared behind him as the scene faded.
