Post by jackdiamond on Aug 9, 2016 23:39:27 GMT -5
Off Camera
Jack’s Perspective
Present Day
This makes the perfect place to meet Isabella. Golden Nugget’s Aquarium always draws a crowd - all the beautiful fish, plus a few sharks thrown in ups the wow factor. Not to mention the water slide going right through the whole tank; totally money. I really outdid myself this time.
Of course she is running late though. Why does everyone always think it’s okay to be late? What if she no shows….Jack no, don’t think like that. Nobody is standing you up, she knows the stakes. She may wait until the last minute, but she’ll be here. She better anyway. I went to great lengths to make this rendezvous happen. Isabella is why I chose NGW to restart my wrestling career; running biweekly gives me flexibility. Same with cashing out of the Diamond Club; cleaned out my schedule to make this situation work. Not to mention the extra payout I’m sending her way every month. The least she could do is show up at the agreed upon time.
Relax Jack, relax. You can’t be steamed when Isabella gets here. Count the fish Jack: one fish….two fish….three. How on Earth do all these fish get along? They come in such different styles, and that tank ain’t enough space for all of them. I wonder if they attack each other, or if the sharks ever go to town on the rest. Oh shit what if there is a feeding frenzy when Isabella is here?! That would totally ruin this whole evening. Jack, you really need to calm down. Four….five….six….
She’ll love the aquarium Jack. They all love the aquarium. As for being late, take it in stride. We need to play by the rules. It took rather….extenuating circumstances….for her to even pick up the phone. Just because I shuffled my priorities and sent her some extra cash doesn’t mean she owes me a damn thing. Really I owe Isabella so much more than money could ever buy. This is a great first step though. Play your cards right Diamond and maybe I’ll get a second chance. God I really hope she likes the aquarium…..seven….eight….
Is that her coming around the corner? Too many other jokers in the way to get a good look. And she’s wearing a pair of shades that takes up her whole damn face. I think it’s her, is it? After six years I barely remember what she looks like. Oh yea, it’s her. Her gait puts the weight of each step in front of her, head is not turning at all - body language screams unhappy. Too bad toots, I don’t really care what you think. All I care about is about how Isabella feels. Did she even bring Isabella with her? I can't see her through this damn crowd. Wait…yes that’s her, Isabella! Look at her, she’s already staring at those fish - and her face is glowing!! Perfect! Wow, her mom wasn’t bluffing though….
…She really does have my eyes.
On Camera
Present Day
Right away we open up with a scene more fitting for a James Bond movie. Jack Diamond sits at a table in the foreground while behind a gigantic aquarium engulfs the entire frame. Exotic fish, all shapes and sizes, share the tank with flowing manta rays and sleek sharks.
Jack: After only a few weeks, and three more wins than Gray Malone needed for the same opportunity, I get a shot at the Five Lakes Championship. Perhaps some gratitude is in order though - so Devlin. Thank you. Thank you for letting Ashleigh book her own matches. At least someone running this joint knows how to put a card together.
Before I move on from Ashleigh the producer to Ashleigh the supposed superstar, let’s deal with the elephant in the room. No Kenzie, not the pink ones that follow your booze soaked ass around. See I’ve got my ear to the ground; I listen to radio broadcasts, see the talk shows, hear the whispers in the locker room. Despite a perfect record, nobody buys into the idea that Jack Diamond can cut it in wrestling anymore. They think I’m boring. I bet Ashleigh comes out this week and calls me old, a gimmick, a joke. Odds are using some sort of setup involving cards and casinos to get her point across.
Now honestly I don’t care what any of you suckers think. I don’t wrestle for the spotlight, for Twitter followers, or even for gold. All of this, I do it for me. But maybe you losers got a point about me being dull. Look at my last match. Victory came off 'The Winning Hand', a modified Camel Clutch. Where’s the pizzazz in that? It’s too technical for you fools, too detailed. Takes way too long to pull off in an age of ADHD. Not nearly enough angles or twists involved; you suckers want Corkscrew 450 Degree Splashes. Like Ashleigh and Gavin pull off. That’s what brings in fans hook, line and sinker. You even choose to ignore how Gavin lacks any originality, calling it the King’s Splash; and all his other moves are King-something-another to boot.
Now how I operate in the ring, methodically reading and exploiting every tell my opponent offers - that won’t change a bit. But I’ll meet you dumb marks halfway. Since you treat my gambling promos like homework, I’ll treat you like children. No poker, no roulette, no insider speak. Today we are going to play a game everyone knows - Go Fish.
Diamond pulls out a deck of cards from his jacket pocket and starts wheeling and dealing
Jack:Well almost everyone knows it. Ashleigh Grimes...Jericho…Grimes…which is it today? Seems every time I refresh Twitter that doll changes her last name. I saw Avery flirting with you, is it Ashleigh Miles now? Whatever - Ashleigh - I know this game might be less familiar with you. What with your parents casting you off and all, you may have lost out on the Go Fish experience during your troubled childhood. So let me give you the rundown. The object of the game is guessing where your hand and your opponent’s hand match. That’s the gist of it. Everyone at home got it? Hope so because honestly I actually don’t care.
In front of Jack is a spread of cards, and another in front of the camera representing what Grimes has going for her
Jack: Let’s start by comparing our records. See you love mentioning in every promo about how you never lose. But toots your constant bragging comes off like a story fishermen tell each other at the pier - how they caught one THIS big. Trying to make a haul of minnows sound like you caught Jaws himself. Reality though is besides that title, which will be mine by Sunday morning anyway, your hot streak in NGW couldn’t be milder. Any worthwhile wins I can match; and chances are I did it better. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself the following
Mockingly Jack looks at his hand, as if the cards mattered
Jack:Do you have any victories over jokers who made it through only one NGW show?
He pulls a card away from the 'Ashleigh' hand, and discards it
Jack: You sure do - your highly anticipated first match came against chumps that Devlin fed you and Gavin like chum. Meanwhile I picked up a victory over Mic Strong who ironically never found his voice.
He repeats the process from the first question, mockingly selling his actions for the camera
Jack: Ashleigh, do you have any wins over promising wrestlers who since cashed out of NGW?
On my end, a win over McCollum. I didn’t see his value, but Devlin tried booking him like some sort of big deal. Yours: Shelley Silver. Both managed to stay around for a cup of coffee. In McCollum’s case a goblet of goat’s blood or some jazz like that. The difference - you won a championship from gobbling up an easy win. Meanwhile nobody likely even saw my match. Honestly you beating Silver merits winning a bronze, not gold. Agreed right? After all you razzed on Shelley for being a chump, not a champ. How she couldn't even string together a single title defense. You though toots, you won’t set the bar much higher. When I beat you, the Five Lakes Title reign of Ashleigh Grimes will involve a whopping one successful title defense. Speaking of your title defense...
Yanking another card from 'Ashleigh' leaves her with less and less to hide behind
Jack: Do you have any wins over Kenzie Rydell?
What do you know!? Me too! Here’s a sobering fact for you though Ash - I didn’t pick up a win over her while she was indisposed. She showed up to City of Sin for your match tanked you may say. My win over that broad though came on the up and up. Kenzie ain’t the only common opponent we both trumped.
Another card comes across the table
Jack: Ashleigh; Do you have any wins over Dean Judas?
Same here, and trust me it ain’t as hard as you made it look. I mean Dean wasn’t all there when you faced him, if you catch my drift. Odds are he had to up his daily dosage to deal with the pain I inflicted on him the week before you two squared off. And still you barely managed to eke by with a win, banking on some favoritism from the bossman to bail you out. While on the subject of Dean Judas, let’s spend time some talking about his new cohorts.
Jack: Do you have any wins over Angelz of Destruction?
Diamond very deliberately pulls two cards across the table
Jack: This is a two for one deal; you beat the little cherubs Gray, then the combination of Graves and Knight. Meanwhile I took out their fearless leader. Does this seem like cheating on my part, claiming your two victories equals one of mine? Maybe, but Corey is the head of AoD and there are probably three different personalities lurking behind that mask. So it all equals out. Besides my point is your record is padded - Gray Malone? Come on sweetheart, how can you brag about being undefeated with a straight face? Knowing two out of seven victories came over AoD, a group of suckers that came to NGW DoA: Dead on Arrival.
So shall we look at the score so far: your 7-0 record includes wins over a tag team that Devlin rented by the hour. Shelley Silver an actress that couldn’t convincingly act like a champion. A rock bottom Kenzie, and a sky-high Dean Judas. Gray Malone - no explanation needed there. A tag team match with two saps that idolize Corey Bull and admittingly went into their match with you clueless. Oh and a special crossover episode with some IPW hacks that drew the proverbial Short straws. An event odds are Scott would have recruited me to do if my return to wrestling happened a few weeks earlier.
Rolling his eyes, Jack rolls on
Jack: Now I know what you are thinking - Jack all you did was come out and say neither of us accomplished anything in NGW so far. That’s exactly my point. Ashleigh Grimes in her prime has done nothing I didn’t do while barely getting my feet wet in my return to wrestling.
Yet Ash brings up her record week in and week out. Telling her opponents nobody can beat her because nobody has beaten her. As I just pointed out anybody with a better memory than a goldfish can find a flaw in this logic. See toots you act like your record is some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality it’s gambler’s fallacy. And sooner rather than later that’s going to cost you big. Sooner coming on Saturday of course.
See you’ve gotten sloppy Grimes. It’s obvious in the ring after your meltdown with Judas. But it shows in your preparation as well, your promos are filled with holes and hypocrisy. No doubt this went unnoticed and unmentioned because most suckers stay silent before facing you. So allow me to continue our little game.
Getting back to the game Jack snatches another card
Jack:Do you have any accolades in another federation?
You do too. Of course you do, how can anyone forget? Inferno Wrestling this, Inferno Wrestling that. Constantly disparaging NGW as a small pond compared to Inferno Wrestling; its talent pool far more shallow. We get it toots, you believe Inferno is the hottest spot in wrestling - pun very much intended. But see just like there are many fish in the sea, there are many feds in the world. Everyone thinks theirs is the best. I won top titles in top-notch federations too. But I don’t brag about them because comparing federations is a fool’s errand. You know this too, since you used the exact same argument against Shelley Silver. Came out clad in NGW gear and chastised her for talking about other federations. Yet you do it on a weekly basis. Or don’t you remember?
What about your other hypocrisies? You went after Gray Malone for calling you an idiot; saying it lost its luster as an insult over a decade ago. That terms like shithead and ignoramus trumped it. Then after our match was announced ‘idiot’ was all you could muster when I decided to provoke you with a tweet containing some innuendo. Was ignoramus too many characters babydoll? Or were you just proving my point, that you ain’t a cut above any of the NGW talent you claim to surpass.
Then there is your jabs at Kenzie and Maria Sangria for their looks. Now while both look like they swam up from the abyss, that’s not my point. My point is when AoD insulted your looks you dismissed them for such shallow and amatuer tactics. Or don’t you remember doing exactly what you say shows weakness? Sweetheart put that eidetic memory to good use and reflect on your career. Maybe then you can stop drowning in your own sea of lies. Actually, there is something fishy about that memory claim of yours;
Jack takes another card from Grimes, this time showing it to the camera - it's a Five of Hearts
Jack:Do you have an eidetic memory?
Oh, me I don’t have one. Got a knack for counting cards, but that’s as close as I get. So why did I take one of your cards, implying we are one in the same. Because you don’t have eidetic memory either sweetheart. At least I’m not buying that you do.
When I heard you had such a condition I was impressed - that would be quite an edge. Somehow nobody managed to look into this claim. Until me. Turns out photographic memory is nothing more than a myth. And eidetic memory exists in two to ten percent of children. A pretty rare skill. No adults - none - ever experienced a documented case of eidetic memory. Go ahead look it up. Memorize all the journals out there Ashleigh, apparently it will only take you a single glance. Why don’t adults have eidetic memory you may ask. Well I, and the experts may answer. The shrinks and white coats out there believe a developmental change; acquiring language skills and enhancing abstract thought, offsets any need for it. Pollutes the mind and disrupts any potential need for eidetic imagery. Perhaps you are still young enough doll that maybe you still have your childhood skills. You certainly lack a knack for language and original, abstract thought. But chances are the more logical answer is that eidetic memory is a bluff meant to scare off dupes dumb enough to take you at face value.
Know what other diseases I’m not buying babe - Anxiety. You know what we called that when I was a kid? Being awkward. But go ahead and pop pills, acting holier than the likes of Kenzie and Judas because you got a prescription for your drug of choice. Tell me do you have any other ‘popular’ diseases that make you, in your own words ‘relatable’ to the fans? Maybe you got ADHD - explains all the meaningless tangents in your promos. What about FOMO? No not that one, you are way too comfortable missing out on the Unified Championship in order to make your hubby happy to experience a fear of missing out. Oooh, what about Celiacs, are you gluten-free toots?
Where did you get the idea that you had all these ailments anyway? Did Gavin diagnose your eidetic memory and anxiety when you two were playing Doctor? On the plus side no matter how bad his diagnosis turned out, it still sounds like it went better than when you two play House.
Let me humor you though for a minute - after all NGW has for months. Let us say you can recall memories. How do you expect remembering watching film in that hovel you call an apartment pays off with sudden experience in the ring?There is stark divide between tacit knowledge - practicing a certain move, and explicit knowledge - watching clips on Youtube from an armchair. Tell me if you watched one of those car restoration shows, could you suddenly pass as a mechanic? Do you have a career as a Michelin starred chef since you binged the Food Network one Sunday afternoon? If you watched a man fish, could you suddenly eat for a lifetime? No on all counts. So while watching…or as you insist memorizing...film helps, it doesn’t provide you some sort of magical powers. Heck hussy, I doubt you remember what card I showed you two minutes ago.
A smirk comes across his face
Jack:Go ahead, rewind the tape and check. I'll wait. Face it kid, your reality is so much less interesting than the image you cultivate. On that note:
Pulling yet another card from 'Ashleigh's hand', she is left with only one card on her side of the table.
Jack: Do you have any gimmicks?
Every week you call out your opponent, saying they ain’t anything special. They are a trope, a cliche, they bring nothing to the table. I bet you will say the same about me - that my gambling roots are a gimmick. A stale one at that; that The World Series of Poker stopped airing on ESPN ten years ago. Sorry to take the wind out of your sails and make fun of myself doll, I bet that line would have gone over real well if you said it first. Just I’ve heard the jokes before so figured I’ll save us time time. But even if you use that exact line, or some other tired card reference people will laugh their asses off. Not because it is true or because you are just so hilarious. But because you said it. See they desperately want your approval. You are their white whale...or for those who never did their homework and read Moby Dick, the elusive and impossible goal in which they spend their lives trying to obtain.
I referenced you have a gimmick Ash, and you do have one...
Waiting for a quick beat, building up anticipation
Jack: The Manic Pixie Girl
That’s all Ashleigh Grimes boils down to at the end of the day. A stunningly attractive doll chock full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies - see eidetic memory and anxiety. She’s playful with hijinks that never really pass beyond kuh-razy. Maybe she dyes her hair a different color, or you know Ashleigh - punches a wall like super hard. Or does a misleading promo that alludes to sex and contains an inexplicitly intelligent parrot.
She’s independent, a wild card and total free spirit. One that desperately wants, whether she admits it or not, to be tamed by a man - and that is why everyone wants your attention toots. It ain’t for your antics or record. Look at your relationship with Gavin and tell me that I’m wrong. You’ve been the first mate on the USS Grimes since you docked at NGW. When you wrapped up Inferno, why join this joint? To help Gavin win, and maintain, gold. That's why. When Gavin takes on too many matches, you put up a little hissy fit - but you would never dare really step in the way of his adventures. And as Gavin explores the open seas and markets, you stay stranded in NGW putting your own goals on hold. Come on, neither of us care about the Five Lakes Championship. It’s a bargaining chip, and not a great one at the moment after you, Kenzie, and Shelley sank its value. Sure you finally took the bait and agreed to a Unified Heavyweight Title match at the Pay Per View. But only because Gavin wanted it to happen, while you fought tooth and nail to avoid this very situation.
Gavin doesn’t just need you to find happiness - you need him to stay afloat. He completes you; you’ve said yourself he is your lighthouse when anxiety hits. You can’t handle society outside of him. The wrestling world acts like you are a Kraken, a real monster in the industry. Reality is you are a Beta-fish in a bowl. Gulping up whatever flakes Gavin provides and protecting the little plastic treasure chest that is your title. If I have a gimmick toots, at least I’m an original. A One of a Kind. Often, way too often, imitated but never duplicated. You ain’t New Girl; just an embodiment of what every teenage boy seeks when they play 'Solitaire' late at night .
Standing up, Jack gets ready to excuse himself from the scene. Behind him the sharks seem to be lurking; circling just within frame.
Jack: This child’s game should make my point clear to even the most infantile mind - Ashleigh Grimes offers nothing that Jack Diamond can’t match. I can beat her just like I trumped every worthwhile opponent she ever faced in NGW - odds are in her whole career. The only thing Grimes offers that I don’t is a boatload of flaws, and a bigger hole in her body of work than the hull of the Titanic. Saturday I run that hussy’s career under a cold shower like I was Gavin at Vendetta. The Five Lakes Championship will be mine, proving that Ashleigh never amounted to more than a big fish in a small pond. So Grimes let me ask you a question, one that most jokers I faced in NGW so far failed to answer:
Flicking the last card off the table and out of sight, Diamond walks away before finishing his thought
Jack: Do you have anything to say?
Off Camera
Jack’s Perspective
Flashback: June 2015
Nurse:Do you have any lower back pain?
Jack:Doll I wrestled for five years, of course I got some aches here and there.
What is this nurse getting at asking about back pain? Only reason I came to the hospital is because my stomach’s killing me since I got back from my last business trip. I bet it’s from the street meat I grabbed on the way back to the Macau airport.
Nurse:So that’s a yes Mr. Diamond to lower back pain?
Jack:Yes sweetheart, my lower back’s in pain.
This doll looks fresh out of school - no way she’s got much experience. I bet she donned those scrubs for the first time this morning.
Nurse:Do you have any pain in your abdominal region?
Jack:Yes toots I got abdominal pain - that’s why I came in today.
Seriously, is she just going to read off this clipboard?
Jack:It feels like I just ate at one of those five dollar shrimp buffets if you catch my drift.
Nurse:Ha, okay then.
Pursed lips; despite the chuckle she obviously does not find my sense of humor agreeable. I love microexpressions - sometimes I think the only way to hear what people are saying is to read between the lines.
Jack:How long until I can get past this and get some face time with a real doctor?
Nurse:Soon Mr. Diamond. Last symptom question; do you experience any heartburn?
Jack:Actually yes - like it was a spicy shrimp buffet. Very very spicy.
A nose crinkle, this broad hates me right now.
Nurse:Mr. Diamond do you have access to your family history? Your biological family history I mean?
Jack:Biological family history? Of course I know you were asking about biological family, it’s a hospital after all toots. Why did you emphasize that?
Her brows just jumped and her lips compressed tightly. Babydoll did not bet on me calling her out for that sassy remark.
Nurse:Well...I know a lot of people in your profession don’t have the...greatest family history.
Neck muscles tightened, breathing went up a tick - wow she’s uncomfortable. She’d rather be anywhere in the world than this processing room with me. Let’s stand pat and not say anything - see her try to dig herself out of this hole.
Nurse:And lots of them have backgrounds involving abandonment or adoption. That or tenuous situations where they no longer speak with their parents…so you see I just wanted to...you know what I’m just gonna stop.
I can’t help but let out a little smile; she suffered enough. Plus she has a point about most wrestlers coming from broken homes.
Jack:Good call. As to your question, I was raised by my biological parents. No drama, no sob stories, or any other jazz like that. We actually get along great, talk on the phone once a week or so.
A quick exhale and she’s back to normal - wait she keeps blinking excessively. Either this is the dustiest hospital in Nevada or something still has her uneasy.
Nurse: Glad to hear it. Can you have them fax us their medical records? Based on your own bloodwork the doctor may also ask them to provide a sample as well.
Blood sample, what the hell!? What is this hussy getting at?
Jack:Whoa that seems like a bit much doll. All I came in here for was about some stomach pangs.
Nurse:Mr. Diamond this is a standard practice, nothing to worry about.
Nice try toots, smiling and showing off your pearly whites. You broke eye contact though - something ain’t right. There’s something she’s hiding from me. But what?
What is she not telling me…
Jack’s Perspective
Present Day
This makes the perfect place to meet Isabella. Golden Nugget’s Aquarium always draws a crowd - all the beautiful fish, plus a few sharks thrown in ups the wow factor. Not to mention the water slide going right through the whole tank; totally money. I really outdid myself this time.
Of course she is running late though. Why does everyone always think it’s okay to be late? What if she no shows….Jack no, don’t think like that. Nobody is standing you up, she knows the stakes. She may wait until the last minute, but she’ll be here. She better anyway. I went to great lengths to make this rendezvous happen. Isabella is why I chose NGW to restart my wrestling career; running biweekly gives me flexibility. Same with cashing out of the Diamond Club; cleaned out my schedule to make this situation work. Not to mention the extra payout I’m sending her way every month. The least she could do is show up at the agreed upon time.
Relax Jack, relax. You can’t be steamed when Isabella gets here. Count the fish Jack: one fish….two fish….three. How on Earth do all these fish get along? They come in such different styles, and that tank ain’t enough space for all of them. I wonder if they attack each other, or if the sharks ever go to town on the rest. Oh shit what if there is a feeding frenzy when Isabella is here?! That would totally ruin this whole evening. Jack, you really need to calm down. Four….five….six….
She’ll love the aquarium Jack. They all love the aquarium. As for being late, take it in stride. We need to play by the rules. It took rather….extenuating circumstances….for her to even pick up the phone. Just because I shuffled my priorities and sent her some extra cash doesn’t mean she owes me a damn thing. Really I owe Isabella so much more than money could ever buy. This is a great first step though. Play your cards right Diamond and maybe I’ll get a second chance. God I really hope she likes the aquarium…..seven….eight….
Is that her coming around the corner? Too many other jokers in the way to get a good look. And she’s wearing a pair of shades that takes up her whole damn face. I think it’s her, is it? After six years I barely remember what she looks like. Oh yea, it’s her. Her gait puts the weight of each step in front of her, head is not turning at all - body language screams unhappy. Too bad toots, I don’t really care what you think. All I care about is about how Isabella feels. Did she even bring Isabella with her? I can't see her through this damn crowd. Wait…yes that’s her, Isabella! Look at her, she’s already staring at those fish - and her face is glowing!! Perfect! Wow, her mom wasn’t bluffing though….
…She really does have my eyes.
On Camera
Present Day
Right away we open up with a scene more fitting for a James Bond movie. Jack Diamond sits at a table in the foreground while behind a gigantic aquarium engulfs the entire frame. Exotic fish, all shapes and sizes, share the tank with flowing manta rays and sleek sharks.
Jack: After only a few weeks, and three more wins than Gray Malone needed for the same opportunity, I get a shot at the Five Lakes Championship. Perhaps some gratitude is in order though - so Devlin. Thank you. Thank you for letting Ashleigh book her own matches. At least someone running this joint knows how to put a card together.
Before I move on from Ashleigh the producer to Ashleigh the supposed superstar, let’s deal with the elephant in the room. No Kenzie, not the pink ones that follow your booze soaked ass around. See I’ve got my ear to the ground; I listen to radio broadcasts, see the talk shows, hear the whispers in the locker room. Despite a perfect record, nobody buys into the idea that Jack Diamond can cut it in wrestling anymore. They think I’m boring. I bet Ashleigh comes out this week and calls me old, a gimmick, a joke. Odds are using some sort of setup involving cards and casinos to get her point across.
Now honestly I don’t care what any of you suckers think. I don’t wrestle for the spotlight, for Twitter followers, or even for gold. All of this, I do it for me. But maybe you losers got a point about me being dull. Look at my last match. Victory came off 'The Winning Hand', a modified Camel Clutch. Where’s the pizzazz in that? It’s too technical for you fools, too detailed. Takes way too long to pull off in an age of ADHD. Not nearly enough angles or twists involved; you suckers want Corkscrew 450 Degree Splashes. Like Ashleigh and Gavin pull off. That’s what brings in fans hook, line and sinker. You even choose to ignore how Gavin lacks any originality, calling it the King’s Splash; and all his other moves are King-something-another to boot.
Now how I operate in the ring, methodically reading and exploiting every tell my opponent offers - that won’t change a bit. But I’ll meet you dumb marks halfway. Since you treat my gambling promos like homework, I’ll treat you like children. No poker, no roulette, no insider speak. Today we are going to play a game everyone knows - Go Fish.
Diamond pulls out a deck of cards from his jacket pocket and starts wheeling and dealing
Jack:Well almost everyone knows it. Ashleigh Grimes...Jericho…Grimes…which is it today? Seems every time I refresh Twitter that doll changes her last name. I saw Avery flirting with you, is it Ashleigh Miles now? Whatever - Ashleigh - I know this game might be less familiar with you. What with your parents casting you off and all, you may have lost out on the Go Fish experience during your troubled childhood. So let me give you the rundown. The object of the game is guessing where your hand and your opponent’s hand match. That’s the gist of it. Everyone at home got it? Hope so because honestly I actually don’t care.
In front of Jack is a spread of cards, and another in front of the camera representing what Grimes has going for her
Jack: Let’s start by comparing our records. See you love mentioning in every promo about how you never lose. But toots your constant bragging comes off like a story fishermen tell each other at the pier - how they caught one THIS big. Trying to make a haul of minnows sound like you caught Jaws himself. Reality though is besides that title, which will be mine by Sunday morning anyway, your hot streak in NGW couldn’t be milder. Any worthwhile wins I can match; and chances are I did it better. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself the following
Mockingly Jack looks at his hand, as if the cards mattered
Jack:Do you have any victories over jokers who made it through only one NGW show?
He pulls a card away from the 'Ashleigh' hand, and discards it
Jack: You sure do - your highly anticipated first match came against chumps that Devlin fed you and Gavin like chum. Meanwhile I picked up a victory over Mic Strong who ironically never found his voice.
He repeats the process from the first question, mockingly selling his actions for the camera
Jack: Ashleigh, do you have any wins over promising wrestlers who since cashed out of NGW?
On my end, a win over McCollum. I didn’t see his value, but Devlin tried booking him like some sort of big deal. Yours: Shelley Silver. Both managed to stay around for a cup of coffee. In McCollum’s case a goblet of goat’s blood or some jazz like that. The difference - you won a championship from gobbling up an easy win. Meanwhile nobody likely even saw my match. Honestly you beating Silver merits winning a bronze, not gold. Agreed right? After all you razzed on Shelley for being a chump, not a champ. How she couldn't even string together a single title defense. You though toots, you won’t set the bar much higher. When I beat you, the Five Lakes Title reign of Ashleigh Grimes will involve a whopping one successful title defense. Speaking of your title defense...
Yanking another card from 'Ashleigh' leaves her with less and less to hide behind
Jack: Do you have any wins over Kenzie Rydell?
What do you know!? Me too! Here’s a sobering fact for you though Ash - I didn’t pick up a win over her while she was indisposed. She showed up to City of Sin for your match tanked you may say. My win over that broad though came on the up and up. Kenzie ain’t the only common opponent we both trumped.
Another card comes across the table
Jack: Ashleigh; Do you have any wins over Dean Judas?
Same here, and trust me it ain’t as hard as you made it look. I mean Dean wasn’t all there when you faced him, if you catch my drift. Odds are he had to up his daily dosage to deal with the pain I inflicted on him the week before you two squared off. And still you barely managed to eke by with a win, banking on some favoritism from the bossman to bail you out. While on the subject of Dean Judas, let’s spend time some talking about his new cohorts.
Jack: Do you have any wins over Angelz of Destruction?
Diamond very deliberately pulls two cards across the table
Jack: This is a two for one deal; you beat the little cherubs Gray, then the combination of Graves and Knight. Meanwhile I took out their fearless leader. Does this seem like cheating on my part, claiming your two victories equals one of mine? Maybe, but Corey is the head of AoD and there are probably three different personalities lurking behind that mask. So it all equals out. Besides my point is your record is padded - Gray Malone? Come on sweetheart, how can you brag about being undefeated with a straight face? Knowing two out of seven victories came over AoD, a group of suckers that came to NGW DoA: Dead on Arrival.
So shall we look at the score so far: your 7-0 record includes wins over a tag team that Devlin rented by the hour. Shelley Silver an actress that couldn’t convincingly act like a champion. A rock bottom Kenzie, and a sky-high Dean Judas. Gray Malone - no explanation needed there. A tag team match with two saps that idolize Corey Bull and admittingly went into their match with you clueless. Oh and a special crossover episode with some IPW hacks that drew the proverbial Short straws. An event odds are Scott would have recruited me to do if my return to wrestling happened a few weeks earlier.
Rolling his eyes, Jack rolls on
Jack: Now I know what you are thinking - Jack all you did was come out and say neither of us accomplished anything in NGW so far. That’s exactly my point. Ashleigh Grimes in her prime has done nothing I didn’t do while barely getting my feet wet in my return to wrestling.
Yet Ash brings up her record week in and week out. Telling her opponents nobody can beat her because nobody has beaten her. As I just pointed out anybody with a better memory than a goldfish can find a flaw in this logic. See toots you act like your record is some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. In reality it’s gambler’s fallacy. And sooner rather than later that’s going to cost you big. Sooner coming on Saturday of course.
See you’ve gotten sloppy Grimes. It’s obvious in the ring after your meltdown with Judas. But it shows in your preparation as well, your promos are filled with holes and hypocrisy. No doubt this went unnoticed and unmentioned because most suckers stay silent before facing you. So allow me to continue our little game.
Getting back to the game Jack snatches another card
Jack:Do you have any accolades in another federation?
You do too. Of course you do, how can anyone forget? Inferno Wrestling this, Inferno Wrestling that. Constantly disparaging NGW as a small pond compared to Inferno Wrestling; its talent pool far more shallow. We get it toots, you believe Inferno is the hottest spot in wrestling - pun very much intended. But see just like there are many fish in the sea, there are many feds in the world. Everyone thinks theirs is the best. I won top titles in top-notch federations too. But I don’t brag about them because comparing federations is a fool’s errand. You know this too, since you used the exact same argument against Shelley Silver. Came out clad in NGW gear and chastised her for talking about other federations. Yet you do it on a weekly basis. Or don’t you remember?
What about your other hypocrisies? You went after Gray Malone for calling you an idiot; saying it lost its luster as an insult over a decade ago. That terms like shithead and ignoramus trumped it. Then after our match was announced ‘idiot’ was all you could muster when I decided to provoke you with a tweet containing some innuendo. Was ignoramus too many characters babydoll? Or were you just proving my point, that you ain’t a cut above any of the NGW talent you claim to surpass.
Then there is your jabs at Kenzie and Maria Sangria for their looks. Now while both look like they swam up from the abyss, that’s not my point. My point is when AoD insulted your looks you dismissed them for such shallow and amatuer tactics. Or don’t you remember doing exactly what you say shows weakness? Sweetheart put that eidetic memory to good use and reflect on your career. Maybe then you can stop drowning in your own sea of lies. Actually, there is something fishy about that memory claim of yours;
Jack takes another card from Grimes, this time showing it to the camera - it's a Five of Hearts
Jack:Do you have an eidetic memory?
Oh, me I don’t have one. Got a knack for counting cards, but that’s as close as I get. So why did I take one of your cards, implying we are one in the same. Because you don’t have eidetic memory either sweetheart. At least I’m not buying that you do.
When I heard you had such a condition I was impressed - that would be quite an edge. Somehow nobody managed to look into this claim. Until me. Turns out photographic memory is nothing more than a myth. And eidetic memory exists in two to ten percent of children. A pretty rare skill. No adults - none - ever experienced a documented case of eidetic memory. Go ahead look it up. Memorize all the journals out there Ashleigh, apparently it will only take you a single glance. Why don’t adults have eidetic memory you may ask. Well I, and the experts may answer. The shrinks and white coats out there believe a developmental change; acquiring language skills and enhancing abstract thought, offsets any need for it. Pollutes the mind and disrupts any potential need for eidetic imagery. Perhaps you are still young enough doll that maybe you still have your childhood skills. You certainly lack a knack for language and original, abstract thought. But chances are the more logical answer is that eidetic memory is a bluff meant to scare off dupes dumb enough to take you at face value.
Know what other diseases I’m not buying babe - Anxiety. You know what we called that when I was a kid? Being awkward. But go ahead and pop pills, acting holier than the likes of Kenzie and Judas because you got a prescription for your drug of choice. Tell me do you have any other ‘popular’ diseases that make you, in your own words ‘relatable’ to the fans? Maybe you got ADHD - explains all the meaningless tangents in your promos. What about FOMO? No not that one, you are way too comfortable missing out on the Unified Championship in order to make your hubby happy to experience a fear of missing out. Oooh, what about Celiacs, are you gluten-free toots?
Where did you get the idea that you had all these ailments anyway? Did Gavin diagnose your eidetic memory and anxiety when you two were playing Doctor? On the plus side no matter how bad his diagnosis turned out, it still sounds like it went better than when you two play House.
Let me humor you though for a minute - after all NGW has for months. Let us say you can recall memories. How do you expect remembering watching film in that hovel you call an apartment pays off with sudden experience in the ring?There is stark divide between tacit knowledge - practicing a certain move, and explicit knowledge - watching clips on Youtube from an armchair. Tell me if you watched one of those car restoration shows, could you suddenly pass as a mechanic? Do you have a career as a Michelin starred chef since you binged the Food Network one Sunday afternoon? If you watched a man fish, could you suddenly eat for a lifetime? No on all counts. So while watching…or as you insist memorizing...film helps, it doesn’t provide you some sort of magical powers. Heck hussy, I doubt you remember what card I showed you two minutes ago.
A smirk comes across his face
Jack:Go ahead, rewind the tape and check. I'll wait. Face it kid, your reality is so much less interesting than the image you cultivate. On that note:
Pulling yet another card from 'Ashleigh's hand', she is left with only one card on her side of the table.
Jack: Do you have any gimmicks?
Every week you call out your opponent, saying they ain’t anything special. They are a trope, a cliche, they bring nothing to the table. I bet you will say the same about me - that my gambling roots are a gimmick. A stale one at that; that The World Series of Poker stopped airing on ESPN ten years ago. Sorry to take the wind out of your sails and make fun of myself doll, I bet that line would have gone over real well if you said it first. Just I’ve heard the jokes before so figured I’ll save us time time. But even if you use that exact line, or some other tired card reference people will laugh their asses off. Not because it is true or because you are just so hilarious. But because you said it. See they desperately want your approval. You are their white whale...or for those who never did their homework and read Moby Dick, the elusive and impossible goal in which they spend their lives trying to obtain.
I referenced you have a gimmick Ash, and you do have one...
Waiting for a quick beat, building up anticipation
Jack: The Manic Pixie Girl
That’s all Ashleigh Grimes boils down to at the end of the day. A stunningly attractive doll chock full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies - see eidetic memory and anxiety. She’s playful with hijinks that never really pass beyond kuh-razy. Maybe she dyes her hair a different color, or you know Ashleigh - punches a wall like super hard. Or does a misleading promo that alludes to sex and contains an inexplicitly intelligent parrot.
She’s independent, a wild card and total free spirit. One that desperately wants, whether she admits it or not, to be tamed by a man - and that is why everyone wants your attention toots. It ain’t for your antics or record. Look at your relationship with Gavin and tell me that I’m wrong. You’ve been the first mate on the USS Grimes since you docked at NGW. When you wrapped up Inferno, why join this joint? To help Gavin win, and maintain, gold. That's why. When Gavin takes on too many matches, you put up a little hissy fit - but you would never dare really step in the way of his adventures. And as Gavin explores the open seas and markets, you stay stranded in NGW putting your own goals on hold. Come on, neither of us care about the Five Lakes Championship. It’s a bargaining chip, and not a great one at the moment after you, Kenzie, and Shelley sank its value. Sure you finally took the bait and agreed to a Unified Heavyweight Title match at the Pay Per View. But only because Gavin wanted it to happen, while you fought tooth and nail to avoid this very situation.
Gavin doesn’t just need you to find happiness - you need him to stay afloat. He completes you; you’ve said yourself he is your lighthouse when anxiety hits. You can’t handle society outside of him. The wrestling world acts like you are a Kraken, a real monster in the industry. Reality is you are a Beta-fish in a bowl. Gulping up whatever flakes Gavin provides and protecting the little plastic treasure chest that is your title. If I have a gimmick toots, at least I’m an original. A One of a Kind. Often, way too often, imitated but never duplicated. You ain’t New Girl; just an embodiment of what every teenage boy seeks when they play 'Solitaire' late at night .
Standing up, Jack gets ready to excuse himself from the scene. Behind him the sharks seem to be lurking; circling just within frame.
Jack: This child’s game should make my point clear to even the most infantile mind - Ashleigh Grimes offers nothing that Jack Diamond can’t match. I can beat her just like I trumped every worthwhile opponent she ever faced in NGW - odds are in her whole career. The only thing Grimes offers that I don’t is a boatload of flaws, and a bigger hole in her body of work than the hull of the Titanic. Saturday I run that hussy’s career under a cold shower like I was Gavin at Vendetta. The Five Lakes Championship will be mine, proving that Ashleigh never amounted to more than a big fish in a small pond. So Grimes let me ask you a question, one that most jokers I faced in NGW so far failed to answer:
Flicking the last card off the table and out of sight, Diamond walks away before finishing his thought
Jack: Do you have anything to say?
Off Camera
Jack’s Perspective
Flashback: June 2015
Nurse:Do you have any lower back pain?
Jack:Doll I wrestled for five years, of course I got some aches here and there.
What is this nurse getting at asking about back pain? Only reason I came to the hospital is because my stomach’s killing me since I got back from my last business trip. I bet it’s from the street meat I grabbed on the way back to the Macau airport.
Nurse:So that’s a yes Mr. Diamond to lower back pain?
Jack:Yes sweetheart, my lower back’s in pain.
This doll looks fresh out of school - no way she’s got much experience. I bet she donned those scrubs for the first time this morning.
Nurse:Do you have any pain in your abdominal region?
Jack:Yes toots I got abdominal pain - that’s why I came in today.
Seriously, is she just going to read off this clipboard?
Jack:It feels like I just ate at one of those five dollar shrimp buffets if you catch my drift.
Nurse:Ha, okay then.
Pursed lips; despite the chuckle she obviously does not find my sense of humor agreeable. I love microexpressions - sometimes I think the only way to hear what people are saying is to read between the lines.
Jack:How long until I can get past this and get some face time with a real doctor?
Nurse:Soon Mr. Diamond. Last symptom question; do you experience any heartburn?
Jack:Actually yes - like it was a spicy shrimp buffet. Very very spicy.
A nose crinkle, this broad hates me right now.
Nurse:Mr. Diamond do you have access to your family history? Your biological family history I mean?
Jack:Biological family history? Of course I know you were asking about biological family, it’s a hospital after all toots. Why did you emphasize that?
Her brows just jumped and her lips compressed tightly. Babydoll did not bet on me calling her out for that sassy remark.
Nurse:Well...I know a lot of people in your profession don’t have the...greatest family history.
Neck muscles tightened, breathing went up a tick - wow she’s uncomfortable. She’d rather be anywhere in the world than this processing room with me. Let’s stand pat and not say anything - see her try to dig herself out of this hole.
Nurse:And lots of them have backgrounds involving abandonment or adoption. That or tenuous situations where they no longer speak with their parents…so you see I just wanted to...you know what I’m just gonna stop.
I can’t help but let out a little smile; she suffered enough. Plus she has a point about most wrestlers coming from broken homes.
Jack:Good call. As to your question, I was raised by my biological parents. No drama, no sob stories, or any other jazz like that. We actually get along great, talk on the phone once a week or so.
A quick exhale and she’s back to normal - wait she keeps blinking excessively. Either this is the dustiest hospital in Nevada or something still has her uneasy.
Nurse: Glad to hear it. Can you have them fax us their medical records? Based on your own bloodwork the doctor may also ask them to provide a sample as well.
Blood sample, what the hell!? What is this hussy getting at?
Jack:Whoa that seems like a bit much doll. All I came in here for was about some stomach pangs.
Nurse:Mr. Diamond this is a standard practice, nothing to worry about.
Nice try toots, smiling and showing off your pearly whites. You broke eye contact though - something ain’t right. There’s something she’s hiding from me. But what?
What is she not telling me…