Post by jackdiamond on Jul 29, 2016 17:54:40 GMT -5
Cascading colors on a white background offers viewers a rude welcome. Buzzers, whistles, and whirs attack our ears. Slowly the Rainbow deluge slows down; discernible shapes start forming. Sounds ebb and right when everything gets quiet we identify a visual:
DING DING DING DING
Suddenly the temporary calm ceases and the action begins. Noise picks up again in jubilant, obnoxious celebration. Flashing lights dazzle and in the middle of the chaos we hear the violent clashing of metal-on-metal.
Our next shot provides the bigger picture; the commotion comes from a contraption. A slot machine to be exact, one paying out quarters into a metal well. This featured machine is only one in a line-up on a casino floor. From a higher vantage point we see rows upon rows of machines. Each presents their own gimmick: some based on generic fantasy, others cheap plugs for movies, with a few mundane ones in between. Their actions all occur out of sync, creating organized chaos. Interrupting the slot machine grid, a circle of slots radiating outward from the center coordinates. Pacing around this ‘carousel’ of slots is none other than Jack Diamond. While he dons nice threads, he wears them casually. Rather than wearing his pinstripe jacket, it drapes off one shoulder. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone and his tie discarded. Despite nonchalantly dressing he wears a serious, almost disgusted, expression across his face.
Jack: Can I let you jokers at home in on a secret?
Using his free hand he dismissively waves at the action going on around him.
Jack: Nothing in a casino, in all of Vegas, gets me more steamed than slot machines. Specifically the marks that sit down and play them. Willingly wasting their life and life savings. Might as well drop your unearned money down the drain rather than a slot. See these machines differ from games of skill; blackjack, poker, even your craps and roulette. Here at the slots, jokers bank on performing the same routine with every lever pull. Chumps fight for change, literally, but are unable to change themselves. Talent ain’t rewarded - in this little fantasy world Gray Malone has as much a chance of winning any given pull as Jack Diamond.
Absolute losers ride this carousel around and around in a downward spiral. Sitting here bleeding money until these suckers are sucked dry. All in the slim hope that luck just hands them a jackpot. That someone else just changes their whole fortune; not based on merit, but based on dumb luck.
Casually Diamond paces around the circle before leaning against one of the machines.
Jack: So why am I loitering around this joint; well because I wager NGW runs their operations just like a slot machine. Relax I ain’t in AoD, unlike half the roster. My machine reference won’t involve broken cogs, global conspiracies, or any jazz like that.
Diamond pulls a coin from his pants pocket
Jack: Devlin Scott ain’t some puppetmaster, but like a slot machine he too is a one-armed bandit.
Briefly pausing he flicks the coin into the air.
Jack:That’s because rather than choosing matches based on merit...
Palming the coin on its descent he puts it into the slot machine. Bells and whistles go off; a hollow gesture considering how little is at stake.
Jack: He just pulls the lever, closes his eyes, and sees what the payline shows:
Diamond closes his eyes and with a smirk pulls the slot machine arm. The reel whirls in excitement, so quickly the actual symbols remain indistinguishable from one another. Jack continues as the machine keeps spinning.
Jack: Dean Judas in the main event - sure why not? I mean the timing seems random since that putz got pinned by yours truly last week. In fact he still seems to be reeling from the beatdown. Usually our ears are bombarded with more beeps and bleeps in his promos than these slot machines make. This week though, sweet silence.
The machine reels and Diamond’s rant keep rolling on, showing no signs of slowing down.
Jack: Corey Bull gets a free title shot. This chump just dipped beneath winning fifty-percent of his matches. Coin flips boast a better record than Bull. But the payline says he is next in line, and who is Devlin to disagree with such infallible logic? Good thing that cad Corey suffered more than a broken cog at Vendetta and folded in that match.
Three Sommersby’s in a row; payout of that ain’t what I call a jackpot. This loser finished last in a dark match. But Devlin decides why not light up his name on the marquee three times in one show. To his credit, though it gives him no credibility, Devlin did pull him from one of his matches...the dark match. The only one where that sucker belonged.
Roll back a few months and Gray Malone got a title shot...when he was 0-2? Okay Devlin that ain’t even dumb luck...that’s just dumb.
Finally the slot machine stops and shows:
Nothing happens. Stare as long as you want, there is no pattern whatsoever. Jack moves on.
Jack: Devlin, you can’t keep banking on random chance that a line-up pays out any given night. Now I'm giving you an out slick. A little bird told me that Ashleigh Grimes needs to put her money where her mouth is at the next Vendetta. Make the wise choice and slot me in against her. I already made my case on Twitter for a title shot; since tweets are all a pigeon like Devlin Scott understands.
Be warned joker, if you don't use your pull to make that happen...I will do more than twist YOUR arm to get a title shot. I may need to break a chump champion’s ulna to make my point. Consider this performance at Vendetta a bonus play, your last one before I start getting real matches. But for now let's turn back to what is on the line for Saturday
Putting in another coin and yanking down hard on the lever, the machine provides a quick answer:
Almost a row of pineapples, and a decent payout, but something remains missing. Not everything quite lines up. As a result the machine remains noticeably silent. Diamond shrugs and keeps going, leaving it at that.
Jack: Aloha Pekelo, haven’t heard from you in a while. Maybe you like your matches to be like your home state of Hawaii: Non-Contiguous.
You showed up for your dark match, but when you get put against a five-card stud you keep this match at arm’s length? Listen, I know Game of Thrones is your favorite. But slick you ain’t J.R.R. Martin. Nobody is gonna wait around forever to hear what you got to say next; especially me.
Throwing more chump change into the machine Diamond goes through the process again.
Jack: Now let’s get to my bonus opponent this week:
After what feels like entirely too long, the machine responds. The reels slow down and reveals
Whistles and other poorly recorded sounds kick off at the result, accompanied by blinking and flashing lights.
Jack: Bar-Bar Bar, must mean that Kenzie Rydell is nearby. Whil….
Clanking interrupts Jack and berates our ears. A stream of coins, from their brownish look pennies, come crashing out into the well. This goes on for some time, Diamond unimpressed and looking actually impatient. A neon ‘70’ flashes above the reels, a reflection of the payout amount.
Jack: Wow 70, that sure seems like a decent number.
He rolls his eyes
Jack: But only for you poor saps that think finding a five dollar bill constitutes a big pay day. But when it comes from sitting at and atop the penny slots, it’s chump change. What can you expect though - you fill the slots with nickels and dimes and you get back what you put in.
With a chuckle he continues
Jack: Kenzie, I know this is a little on the nose. But odds are you are so sloshed you couldn’t bring your finger to your nose, it seemed necessary to spell out. See suckers Kenzie’s heater as Five Lakes Champ couldn’t have been milder. Seventy days seems like a lot around this joint, but when she only needed to defend twice? The kicker was once was against some NGW laughingstock John. What’s his last name again? John….John….John See naa I can’t even remember right now.
Now Kenzie, doll, I know others have pushed your buttons over this - if you find your voice it will be to come out and say you cannot control what the machine puts in front of you. But as I’ve been saying all along, it’s only because you sit around the slots and hope for the best. You look for easy payouts; loose slots. Now I’m not slot shaming you for who you paired up against as champ. But your defense of your title reign is almost as weak as your title defenses. After all if Silver strong armed your championship from you, then it sounds like never had a real hold of it to begin with toots.
If you decided to sit at the tables with the highrollers, you would see that skill could elevate what the cards have in store for you. Take Ashley Grimes, she raised the stakes to get matches she wants. Grimes at the next PPV, and Dean Judas at Vendetta. Granted she made a mistake by calling my challenge - but at least when she loses to me it won’t be as bankrupting as losing to Gray Malone.
Tapping one of the "BAR"s on the machine he nods disappointingly before pacing once again around the circle.
Jack: Your alcohol and career recovery apparently leaves you indisposed to speak up about our match. I wager the only shot of Jack you want is Daniels, not Diamond. Lucky for me though I did recover footage from you rambling right after the last Vendetta.
Tell me when you put that generic apology speech did your boy toy write it for you? Did you just swindle lines from every other professional athlete to apologize for their misgivings? Did you use some sort of apology generator, just pulling levers to dole out cliches? Or, and I have to say the odds are slim, was that your idea of a genuine speech?
Doll I saw what you said, didn’t get distracted by the bells, whistles, and waterworks. You rolled out line after conflicting line without any payout. You start blabbering about how you let people down and wanting to live up to the potential that everyone puts on you. But then in the same breadth that you do not care what anyone thinks and you want to define yourself. You apologize, but then say you would do it all over again. Not only can Kenzie not walk a straight line, but she can’t talk one either.
Taking one more coin from his pocket, Diamond starts up a machine again.
Jack: Kenzie don't take stock in your future, because it only lasts another twenty four hours. You can hope NGW takes you back with open arms, but that ain’t how it rolls during our match at Vendetta. While I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back, I’ll be aiming to cost you an arm or a leg. You are a symbol of what is wrong with NGW: pathetic losers looking for easy work and cheap payouts. But hussy skill will be the name of the game on Saturday, and while you lay broke and broken in the middle of the ring even your inebriated brain will realize that YOUR LUCK JUST RAN OUT.
With a hard pull Jack sends the lever down, almost like he was trying to pin it to the floor. Not waiting around to see the result he walks away, but the camera lingers. As the wheels slow and the game comes to an end with see three identical symbols:
DING DING DING DING
Suddenly the temporary calm ceases and the action begins. Noise picks up again in jubilant, obnoxious celebration. Flashing lights dazzle and in the middle of the chaos we hear the violent clashing of metal-on-metal.
Our next shot provides the bigger picture; the commotion comes from a contraption. A slot machine to be exact, one paying out quarters into a metal well. This featured machine is only one in a line-up on a casino floor. From a higher vantage point we see rows upon rows of machines. Each presents their own gimmick: some based on generic fantasy, others cheap plugs for movies, with a few mundane ones in between. Their actions all occur out of sync, creating organized chaos. Interrupting the slot machine grid, a circle of slots radiating outward from the center coordinates. Pacing around this ‘carousel’ of slots is none other than Jack Diamond. While he dons nice threads, he wears them casually. Rather than wearing his pinstripe jacket, it drapes off one shoulder. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone and his tie discarded. Despite nonchalantly dressing he wears a serious, almost disgusted, expression across his face.
Jack: Can I let you jokers at home in on a secret?
Using his free hand he dismissively waves at the action going on around him.
Jack: Nothing in a casino, in all of Vegas, gets me more steamed than slot machines. Specifically the marks that sit down and play them. Willingly wasting their life and life savings. Might as well drop your unearned money down the drain rather than a slot. See these machines differ from games of skill; blackjack, poker, even your craps and roulette. Here at the slots, jokers bank on performing the same routine with every lever pull. Chumps fight for change, literally, but are unable to change themselves. Talent ain’t rewarded - in this little fantasy world Gray Malone has as much a chance of winning any given pull as Jack Diamond.
Absolute losers ride this carousel around and around in a downward spiral. Sitting here bleeding money until these suckers are sucked dry. All in the slim hope that luck just hands them a jackpot. That someone else just changes their whole fortune; not based on merit, but based on dumb luck.
Casually Diamond paces around the circle before leaning against one of the machines.
Jack: So why am I loitering around this joint; well because I wager NGW runs their operations just like a slot machine. Relax I ain’t in AoD, unlike half the roster. My machine reference won’t involve broken cogs, global conspiracies, or any jazz like that.
Diamond pulls a coin from his pants pocket
Jack: Devlin Scott ain’t some puppetmaster, but like a slot machine he too is a one-armed bandit.
Briefly pausing he flicks the coin into the air.
Jack:That’s because rather than choosing matches based on merit...
Palming the coin on its descent he puts it into the slot machine. Bells and whistles go off; a hollow gesture considering how little is at stake.
Jack: He just pulls the lever, closes his eyes, and sees what the payline shows:
Diamond closes his eyes and with a smirk pulls the slot machine arm. The reel whirls in excitement, so quickly the actual symbols remain indistinguishable from one another. Jack continues as the machine keeps spinning.
Jack: Dean Judas in the main event - sure why not? I mean the timing seems random since that putz got pinned by yours truly last week. In fact he still seems to be reeling from the beatdown. Usually our ears are bombarded with more beeps and bleeps in his promos than these slot machines make. This week though, sweet silence.
The machine reels and Diamond’s rant keep rolling on, showing no signs of slowing down.
Jack: Corey Bull gets a free title shot. This chump just dipped beneath winning fifty-percent of his matches. Coin flips boast a better record than Bull. But the payline says he is next in line, and who is Devlin to disagree with such infallible logic? Good thing that cad Corey suffered more than a broken cog at Vendetta and folded in that match.
Three Sommersby’s in a row; payout of that ain’t what I call a jackpot. This loser finished last in a dark match. But Devlin decides why not light up his name on the marquee three times in one show. To his credit, though it gives him no credibility, Devlin did pull him from one of his matches...the dark match. The only one where that sucker belonged.
Roll back a few months and Gray Malone got a title shot...when he was 0-2? Okay Devlin that ain’t even dumb luck...that’s just dumb.
Finally the slot machine stops and shows:
Nothing happens. Stare as long as you want, there is no pattern whatsoever. Jack moves on.
Jack: Devlin, you can’t keep banking on random chance that a line-up pays out any given night. Now I'm giving you an out slick. A little bird told me that Ashleigh Grimes needs to put her money where her mouth is at the next Vendetta. Make the wise choice and slot me in against her. I already made my case on Twitter for a title shot; since tweets are all a pigeon like Devlin Scott understands.
Be warned joker, if you don't use your pull to make that happen...I will do more than twist YOUR arm to get a title shot. I may need to break a chump champion’s ulna to make my point. Consider this performance at Vendetta a bonus play, your last one before I start getting real matches. But for now let's turn back to what is on the line for Saturday
Putting in another coin and yanking down hard on the lever, the machine provides a quick answer:
Almost a row of pineapples, and a decent payout, but something remains missing. Not everything quite lines up. As a result the machine remains noticeably silent. Diamond shrugs and keeps going, leaving it at that.
Jack: Aloha Pekelo, haven’t heard from you in a while. Maybe you like your matches to be like your home state of Hawaii: Non-Contiguous.
You showed up for your dark match, but when you get put against a five-card stud you keep this match at arm’s length? Listen, I know Game of Thrones is your favorite. But slick you ain’t J.R.R. Martin. Nobody is gonna wait around forever to hear what you got to say next; especially me.
Throwing more chump change into the machine Diamond goes through the process again.
Jack: Now let’s get to my bonus opponent this week:
After what feels like entirely too long, the machine responds. The reels slow down and reveals
Whistles and other poorly recorded sounds kick off at the result, accompanied by blinking and flashing lights.
Jack: Bar-Bar Bar, must mean that Kenzie Rydell is nearby. Whil….
Clanking interrupts Jack and berates our ears. A stream of coins, from their brownish look pennies, come crashing out into the well. This goes on for some time, Diamond unimpressed and looking actually impatient. A neon ‘70’ flashes above the reels, a reflection of the payout amount.
Jack: Wow 70, that sure seems like a decent number.
He rolls his eyes
Jack: But only for you poor saps that think finding a five dollar bill constitutes a big pay day. But when it comes from sitting at and atop the penny slots, it’s chump change. What can you expect though - you fill the slots with nickels and dimes and you get back what you put in.
With a chuckle he continues
Jack: Kenzie, I know this is a little on the nose. But odds are you are so sloshed you couldn’t bring your finger to your nose, it seemed necessary to spell out. See suckers Kenzie’s heater as Five Lakes Champ couldn’t have been milder. Seventy days seems like a lot around this joint, but when she only needed to defend twice? The kicker was once was against some NGW laughingstock John. What’s his last name again? John….John….John See naa I can’t even remember right now.
Now Kenzie, doll, I know others have pushed your buttons over this - if you find your voice it will be to come out and say you cannot control what the machine puts in front of you. But as I’ve been saying all along, it’s only because you sit around the slots and hope for the best. You look for easy payouts; loose slots. Now I’m not slot shaming you for who you paired up against as champ. But your defense of your title reign is almost as weak as your title defenses. After all if Silver strong armed your championship from you, then it sounds like never had a real hold of it to begin with toots.
If you decided to sit at the tables with the highrollers, you would see that skill could elevate what the cards have in store for you. Take Ashley Grimes, she raised the stakes to get matches she wants. Grimes at the next PPV, and Dean Judas at Vendetta. Granted she made a mistake by calling my challenge - but at least when she loses to me it won’t be as bankrupting as losing to Gray Malone.
Tapping one of the "BAR"s on the machine he nods disappointingly before pacing once again around the circle.
Jack: Your alcohol and career recovery apparently leaves you indisposed to speak up about our match. I wager the only shot of Jack you want is Daniels, not Diamond. Lucky for me though I did recover footage from you rambling right after the last Vendetta.
Tell me when you put that generic apology speech did your boy toy write it for you? Did you just swindle lines from every other professional athlete to apologize for their misgivings? Did you use some sort of apology generator, just pulling levers to dole out cliches? Or, and I have to say the odds are slim, was that your idea of a genuine speech?
Doll I saw what you said, didn’t get distracted by the bells, whistles, and waterworks. You rolled out line after conflicting line without any payout. You start blabbering about how you let people down and wanting to live up to the potential that everyone puts on you. But then in the same breadth that you do not care what anyone thinks and you want to define yourself. You apologize, but then say you would do it all over again. Not only can Kenzie not walk a straight line, but she can’t talk one either.
Taking one more coin from his pocket, Diamond starts up a machine again.
Jack: Kenzie don't take stock in your future, because it only lasts another twenty four hours. You can hope NGW takes you back with open arms, but that ain’t how it rolls during our match at Vendetta. While I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back, I’ll be aiming to cost you an arm or a leg. You are a symbol of what is wrong with NGW: pathetic losers looking for easy work and cheap payouts. But hussy skill will be the name of the game on Saturday, and while you lay broke and broken in the middle of the ring even your inebriated brain will realize that YOUR LUCK JUST RAN OUT.
With a hard pull Jack sends the lever down, almost like he was trying to pin it to the floor. Not waiting around to see the result he walks away, but the camera lingers. As the wheels slow and the game comes to an end with see three identical symbols: