Post by Ashleigh Grimes on Jun 10, 2016 17:58:37 GMT -5
** ON CAMERA **
Fade from black onto the wiggling head of Perry the Parrot. Wait, what?! Perry the Parrot can’t be here! Perry the Parrot belongs to that semi half-decent bloke with the bloated record over in IPW. Jenson something or other. Yet there Perry is, wiggling and squirming while doing his little parrot dance. What’s that? Perry has something to say? Let’s give a listen.
Perry: BAWK!! THEY DID IT AND YOU MISSED IT!! THEY DID IT AND YOU MISSED IT!! BAWK!!
The scene cuts to a tight overhead shot of Ashleigh Jericho; lying on her back, breathing heavily and smiling as her sweat soaked hair falls around her in every direction. Some of you might refer to it as, “sex hair,” because some of you are wretched and disgusting, nevertheless the shoe may fit. As she catches her breath and continues to grin she speaks to someone off camera… and no it’s not Perry.
Ashleigh: Wow. That was much better than expected. I mean I knew you were good but I didn’t know you were that good. You know how these things get exaggerated. But you had staying power and you weren’t in it just for yourself. I appreciate that in a partner.
The camera pans back a smidge, revealing that Ash’s head is lying upon the naked chest of an equally sweaty and winded Jenson Idol. Jenson grins, his hands entwined behind his head as he responds.
Jenson: I aim to please, love. I feel like I’ve been on a bit of high since I cut bait with Cass. Ever since somone pointed out that she looked like that brat from Home Alone I hadn’t been myself. But now I’m right as rain.
His grin widens.
Jenson: And you young lady, were the beneficiary of those feelings.
Ash rolls her eyes, still breathing heavy as her head rests upon his chest.
Ashleigh: Easy big fella. You weren’t that good.
His brow quirks as he glances down at her.
Jenson: I dunno about that. I heard you scream a couple times.
Ashleigh frowns.
Ashleigh: As did you.
Jenson: That’s because you bit me.
Ashleigh: I told you not to touch me there.
Jenson: It was an accident!
Ashleigh: Mmmmhmmm.
Jenson: What was I supposed to do in that bloody position?!
Ash shrugs.
Ashleigh: Submit?
Jenson frowns.
Jenson: Jenson Idol knows no safe words.
She snorts.
Ashleigh: You’re such an idiot.
Jenson: I believe the word you’re searching for is, “charming.”
Ashleigh: Pretty sure that’s a word no one’s associated with you ever. Unless it was preceded by the words, “The one thing he’s not is…”
Jenson chuckles.
Jenson: You wound my heart, love. Speaking of wounded hearts; is that little Grimes bloke going to be upset about this?
Ashleigh’s brow furrows as she mouths the words, “little Grimes bloke.”
Ashleigh: Nah, we’re open when it comes to this sort of thing. I mean if I learn something from you I can pass it on to him and we both benefit.
Jenson: I was hoping he’d be arsed. I wouldn’t mind testing my skills against that wind bag. Bloke loves the sound of his own bloody voice.
From off screen Perry’s voice rings out.
Perry: BAWK!! GABBIN’ GRIMES!! BAWK!!
Ashleigh laughs while blowing a stray hair from her face.
Ashleigh: Speaking of propagators of pointless drivel, I’ve gotta cut a promo on Shelley Silver.
She glances up at Jenson.
Ashleigh: Was this a, “wham bam thank you ma’am” or are you sticking around?
He laughs.
Jenson: I’m a bit too comfortable to move at the moment. Do your thing love, I’ll watch from here.
Ash grins while sitting up.
Ashleigh: You like to watch, do you?
Jenson: What can I say? I’m a bit of a voyeur.
The camera pans back; revealing that Ashleigh and Jenson are dressed… yes dressed… in workout gear and are in the middle of a ring. What appeared to be an inappropriate encounter was nothing more than a good old fashioned sparring session. Who won? They’ll never tell.
Ashleigh stands and smiles, tying her hair off in a ponytail before walking over to the lean on the ropes.
Ashleigh: It’s funny how a certain angle or the framing of a shot can alter our perception so we jump to whatever conclusion the director sees fit. Then again that’s what movies are supposed to do, escape reality; allow us to live in a world that knows no boundaries. Between stunt men, CGI and trick photography even an aging Harrison Ford can still be an action hero. Spoiler alert, he’s not quite quick enough though. But how does one reconcile a world of make believe where multiple takes are permitted, with the real world where there are no do overs? That’s the dilemma of Shelley Silver; while she relies on stunt coordinators, directors, costume designers and multiple takes to make her seem larger than life, I make your jaws drop without the benefit of editing or special effects. When she dresses up, or down in her case, and pretends to be a leading lady, it’s me she’s trying to emulate, isn’t that right Shelley? You said it yourself when you proclaimed Gavin and I the king and queen of NGW. You pledged your fealty and in doing so boldly admitted that I was better than you. Guess you never thought you’d find yourself in this position, huh? Whoopsie. If only the director could give you another take, maybe then you could save face.
Perry waddles along the top rope and hops onto Ash’s finger.
Perry: BAWK!! BOW TO YOUR QUEEN! BAWK!!
Ash raises her arm and grins down at Perry.
Ashleigh: Smart bird.
Jenson: Careful he doesn’t peck you in the arse, love.
Perry flaps his wings furiously.
Perry: BAWK!! MIND YOUR BUSINESS!! BAWK!! ASHLEIGH WON!! BAWK!!
Jenson: Why you little... She did not!!
Her grin widens.
Ashleigh: Like I said; smart bird.
Jenson: You know that’s not what happened!
She continues to grin into the camera.
Ashleigh: Anyways… back to Shelley. You know how sometimes you say stuff or tweet things just because you’re trying to do the right thing… which believe it or not I sometimes do in moments of weakness… well that’s why I responded with a, “thanks Shelley” or whatever when you made that big decree about how you had my back against the forces of evil, or Bentley, or the Angelz of Deez Nuts, or whatever they’re called. Doesn’t really matter since they’re pretty much the worst stable ever. I tweeted, “thanks Shelley” but what I really meant was, “go fuck yourself.” I don’t need some… B-rated actress, who moonlights as a B-rated wrestler and who just won a B-rated title by pinning a guy who’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown… watching my back. You have nothing to offer other than a strongly worded PSA for why women should refrain from getting too many tattoos. I’m pretty sure somewhere on your back is a map that leads to buried treasure or a bunch of secrets our government isn’t telling us. What it won’t lead to is you holding the Five Lakes any longer than the requisite two week waiting period. So I’d enjoy it while you can. Bring it to your cast parties… if those low budget productions even have cast parties… and snort cocaine off of it. Take it to your little lesbian soirees and rub it all over your lady parts. Don’t worry about the residue, I plan on having it steam cleaned because I’m pretty sure Kenzie did the same, only instead of bringing it to a lesbo fuck fest she snuggled up with her favorite stuffed animal and rubbed the belt against her crotch while pretending she was with a real man… sorry Kenz, Jax doesn’t qualify as a real man. He’s obviously into dudes and sees you as the next best thing. Just stay in those training bras or he may start looking for greener pastures… and by greener pastures I mean ones filled with cocks.
Perry tilts his head and squawks at Ashleigh.
Perry: BAWK!! OFF TOPIC! BAWK!!
Ashleigh sighs.
Ashleigh: I’m sorry, did I stray? Here’s the thing Shelley, I often struggle to maintain focus on my opponents because quite frankly, you all bore me. Cutting a promo against you is like sitting in the back of the classroom when your English teacher tells you he’d like you to write a five thousand word essay on the trials and tribulations of Dirk Bentley when it comes to the written word. That shit’s more yawn inducing than a Gavin Grimes promo.
Perry: BAWK!! BOYFRIEND BURN! BAWK!!
Ashleigh: Fiancée.
Perry: BAWK!! TOO YOUNG! BAWK!!
Ashleigh: Hey!
Perry: BAWK!! MARRY ‘EM FAST LIKE AVERY MILES! BAWK!!
Ashleigh: Stop that!!
Ash shoos Perry away before clearing her throat and stifling some laughter.
Ashleigh: You see Shelley; I’m not saying I’m better than you in every way imaginable… I simply am better than you in every way imaginable. Don’t feel bad though, you’re not alone. I’m better than everyone in NGW, IPW and Alpha Rising too, just like I was better than everyone in Inferno. It’s not conjecture, its fact… presented in an abrasive fashion perhaps… but fact nevertheless. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m slumming here in NGW. This is a fine fed with a talented roster, it’s just that I haven’t come across anyone who can hold a candle to me either in the ring or on the stick. I’m rather certain some cut rate scream queen who runs around spattered in fake blood while making sure her tits bounce at just the right interval in super slow mo isn’t about to change that. Then again maybe those aren’t the kind of movies you make. I’m forming my opinion based solely on what little I’ve been able to glean off of Twitter. I can’t be arsed to check your Wiki page. Something tells me a page maintained by fat, horny, pre-pubescent teenagers who are hoping to sway you to join their team isn’t going to be the most reliable source of information. The one thing I do know for certain? You’re into girls. How do I know? You talk about it ad nauseam, like it’s a badge of honor, as if being a dyke makes you special. Trust me when I tell you Shelley, nothing about you is special. In this sport lipstick lesbians like you are a dime a dozen.
Jenson pipes up from the mat.
Jesnon: There’s nothing wrong with a little girl on girl action so long as you’re not left holding your bloody cock in your hand when all’s said and done.
Ashleigh leers back at him, her nose wrinkled in disgust.
Ashleigh: Yeah, I’m gonna choose to ignore that.
Perry swoops past.
Perry: BAWK!! HE’S A PERV! BAWK!!
Ashleigh chuckles.
Ashleigh: You’re not a deviant though, are you Shelley? Nah, you’re the NGW Five Lakes Champion, a revelation you made known to the world by tweeting, “I’m a champion again,” as if you couldn’t believe it yourself. Will a two week title reign be the hallmark of your NGW career? Most likely, unless there’s a lengthy Marquee run in your future. That’s the thing though; you shouldn’t have been surprised you pulled out a win over Kenzie and Malone. In your mind, walking out of Vendetta the Five Lakes Champion should’ve been the only option… just like it is in mine. Only for me it’s not a banner accomplishment, it’s just another accolade I’ll chalk up in a career that’s already more successful than yours will ever be. For me wrestling isn’t a hobby or a distraction, and it’s not something I dabble in between takes. From the age of fourteen being a dominant force in this sport was my number one goal. So quite frankly your laissez faire attitude offends me. This isn’t a business you pop in and out of on a whim. You don’t saunter in dictating terms and expect world champions to bow to your every desire. Who the fuck are you? You’re not an A-list celebrity stepping into the ring for a charity gig or to bring eyeballs to a pay per view. You’re a transient who bounces between jobs, none of which you’re particularly good at. You couldn’t even pin the reigning Five Lakes Champion, you pinned Gray fucking Malone instead. 0 and 3 Gray Malone. Isn’t it interesting how losing to me earned Gray a title shot? What’s that say about me? And where is Malone now? He’s toiling away in a dark match. Puts things in perspective doesn’t it? How can you be proud of a title reign that came courtesy of a man who hasn’t won a single match in NGW and isn’t even good enough to jerk the curtain others are tripping over themselves to hold open for me? You should be ashamed to call yourself a champion. Luckily you won’t have to live with that shame much longer as I’ll be the one left with the daunting task of rebuilding a title that’s been tarnished by the likes you, Rydell and James.
She looks down and draws a breath before raising her eyes to meet the camera with absolute fire.
Ashleigh: When are you idiots going to learn how this game is played? One by one the weak of heart are being dropped on their heads and sent packing for a career outside of wrestling. You don’t go from scooping ice cream to dominating inside the ring. You don’t go from pledging a sorority to competing for a title… and you don’t moonlight while on break from shooting Night of the Tattooed Lesbians and expect to have a ghost of a chance against me. Did you think I’d play nice because you supported me when Bentley jumped me backstage? You thought wrong. While Rydell rotted away all by her lonesome in a hospital bed you all rallied around me. But it wasn’t me who needed you, it was her. It was Kenzie who lay there wondering where it all went wrong, asking how our Five Lakes Champion could be all but forgotten. The answer… much like you Shelley, she’s forgettable. I didn’t need your support then and I don’t need it now. You bitches cried and whined about what Dirk did, but not me. I respected it. Bentley did what he had to do to break out on his own and now he’s got a shot at the Unified Title, while Corey Bull wanders around muttering to himself about conspiracies and electricity. You know what I say? Good for Dirk Bentley. It’s about time that stupid motherfucker did something noteworthy to prove he deserved his spot in that division. Bravo, yippe ki yay all that cowboy shit. Good luck against Gavin but when all's said and done know that I’ll be waiting. Just me. Not Gavin. Not Khonda. Not the Angelz of Desertion, and not a single poser who stood up and cried about what you did. I don’t need them. All they do is hold me back and weigh me down. They want to persecute you because you wore padding but what they fail to realize is the lesson you taught them. You knew that protection was the only way you were going to come at me and survive. Did you hear that, Shelley? A legitimate wrestler knew he couldn’t survive against me without help, how the fuck are you going to stand a chance?
She begins to pace, like a lioness stalking her prey as a grinning Jenson looks on.
Ashleigh: Did that hurt? Do my words sting? Will you even bother to listen to them? I hear that’s not your style. You’re not a fan of the give and take. You’d rather sit back and lull us to sleep with a soliloquy. I hate to break it to you but you’re not that interesting. You need me to make people care about you. You may be the champion but I’m the headliner. This isn’t some press junket where you sit down and wax poetic about meaningless bullshit no one cares about. This is a dialogue, a discourse. Me talking about how I’m going to kick your ass and you doing your best to make people believe that isn’t going to happen even though we all know it will. If you ask me I’d say you’re being burdened with the most challenging role of your career, one that will push your minuscule abilities beyond their limits. You need to act like you stand a chance in hell of beating me, that you’re even half the competitor I am. So give it everything you’ve got. Practice your stupid breathing exercises, look into that camera and act like a champion, act like you can win, act like this match isn’t already over. Give us an Oscar worthy performance. Convince us that you actually stand a chance. Then go back to your trailer, exhale and let reality come crashing down upon you. You’re not a champion, you’re not a wrestler and you’re not worthy of stepping inside the ring with me. Inside the squared circle there are no second takes and as always when it comes to me, there will be no apologies.
Ashleigh scoffs as she turns to face Jenson.
Ashleigh: Not sure I’ll need more than one promo. Can’t be much back and forth after you bury someone alive, can there?
A smirking Jenson hops to his feet, as the scene slowly fades to…
Perry: BAWK!! SLAG'S SIX FEET UNDER! BAWK!!
…black.